Patriotism Runs Counter

to Ordinary Human Morality

Nicholas Syrianus Katsafanas

Patriotism Runs Counter

to Ordinary Human Morality

Nicholas Syrianus Katsafanas

Mode: >.75

7565:8896 .850

Preface … 3

Part I

Episode I: 2650 Syllables of Authentic Reflection … 4

Episode II: 2026 Syllables in London … 16

Part II

Episode III: Oil Paint Stained Mesh Shorts … 29

Episode IV: The State Formed by the Social Contract is the Modern Atheistic State … 36

Episode V: We’re All in This Together Really … 41

Part III

Episode VI: Untitled … 46

Episode VII: Untitled … 49

Episode VIII: Untitled … 52

Diagrams … 56

Preface

This modal text^[1] is my official autobiography. Everything in this work is 100% accurate and basically reflects my exact experiences as a human being living on this circular planet we call “Earth.” At this time I’m unsure if Ben Shapiro has received eyebrow fillers or not. I’m not going to speculate on that right now. This isn’t the place for that. I used to get my eyebrows threaded fairly regularly and I feel like they actually reduced the girth of my brow over time. That’s all I can really say.

Episode I

2650 Syllables of Authentic Reflection

2226:2647 .841

Mode: >.75

—A: The Best Pizza in the State of Rhode Island

863:1043 .827

The blunt reality of my life at the time

was that the pizza at Bettola

was more appropriate to eat

with a literal soup spoon

as opposed to your opposable thumbs,

that each slice was steeped

in an ill-advised amount of oil and cheese,

that the bread, for that matter,

was already floppy,

that even a robust crust could never

withstand the weight of the toppings

as currently constituted,

which caused the entire pizza

to avalanche down to the tips of your fingers

whenever you attempted

to pick it up,

thereby forced to consume the slice

in essentially one rushed bite,

with all the ingredients

concatenating onto each other,

leaving you with a piece

of wet bread in your palm

that constituted the quote-unquote

"rest of the slice".

It was technically Curt's idea to go,

when we were

still at the cigar bar so-called dinner,

where the copious smoke

was seeping into our skins

by the minute,

where the pasta was mush

and the garlic was burnt,

where Curt attempted to

bum a single cigarette

off the forty or so people

in attendance,

all to no avail,

neither one of us

smoking a cigar or cigarette,

the new bartender

made almost entirely of plastic,

with a Picasso like

vibe to her work—

she actually gave me a great deal

on the maybe eight

Michelob Ultras I chugged!

But Bettola was alleged

to sport the best pizza

in the state—

it was something

apparently a group

of consumers cast votes on

at some time, somewhere,

and subsequently the award was

advertised

right in front of their stoop,

so I saw no real risk

in stopping by,

as I was still up

for a bite, finding

the pasta at the bar

a bit subpar,

plus it was a straight shot

up Pontiac

in any case.

Yet while I'm

typically of the mind

to silently disparage

a restaurant's offering

then just never return

again, Curt, by contrast,

tended to vocalize

his discontent

to wait staffs,

and with a complaint

I quietly addressed

to him now buttressing

his own disgust

he called the bartender,

Reign,

over to voice his concerns

with the notion both pizzas

we ordered weren't "great",

yet Reign, for her part,

found Curt's complaint

just as contemptible

as we found the place's

pizza—she was frankly a little shocked

that a person could dislike

this luscious pie.

This food in front of us was,

to Reign, great pizza,

yet she now stood faced with

two patrons

who seemed to disagree,

judging not just the particular pies

they got to be subpar,

but the actual construction

of the pizza itself—

the underlying architecture

of the restaurant's recipe—

to be deeply flawed.

Oh no,

it's fine, I said,

entirely insincerely,

telling Reign

the food was okay,

there was really no need

for us to complain—

maybe just get me

one more Michelob

if you have a chance?

So I believe Curt and I

were both surprised

when Reign came

over some time later,

after to-go boxes

had been packed

and night caps'd

been sipped,

with a fresh pie,

saying Try this one on for size—

yet, while I of course,

had no inclination to complain,

I didn't even object

to the meat on the pizza,

I'd rather have, at that point,

breached my own veganism

before I levied a complaint

to Reign,

yet Curt wasn't of the same mind

as I.

Yeah, see, he said,

this pizza has the same

problem—proceeding to show

Reign and now another

waitress

the essential incongruence

between the thickness

of the bread

and the payload

of the multiple toppings,

how it made the pizza

really hard to eat.

What Reign still failed

to comprehend was it wasn't

the components of Bettola's

pizza that were objectionable,

it was instead the

core geometry of the pie

that was basically unacceptable—

in an entirely ill-fated attempt

to save face

Curt asked Reign

to make us

an espresso martini

but with tequila,

her idiosyncratic take

on the cocktail.

Personally I found the

tequila-based espresso martini

as geometrically off kilter

as the pizza,

all I could taste

was the damn agave,

yet I kept my mouth closed,

my to-go box ready

to take home

to my loving wife,

filled to the brim with shitty pizza

as a little Christmas gift—

—B: Mineral Spring Avenue is for Lovers

743:900 .826

Sitting at The Social

by myself,

my first time back on Mineral Spring

since I'd moved from the street

after residing beside Taco Bell

for a decade plus—

the spot I drank at located

a door over from my former apartment,

a dilapidated building with

about five businesses

on the bottom floor—

and I knew for a fact this pasty bartender

was upselling me egregiously on

her shitty little mezcal glasses,

the Casamigos brand to boot,

my least favorite

by a large margin.

The whore charged me seventeen per

drink which in North Provolone

was simply an atrocity,

even fifteen bucks per

glass was hypothetically absurd,

it was completely out of line

I thought as I begrudgingly gave

her my Discover card,

recalling just a couple months prior

at my friend Ryan's

birthday party—when this particular

Social worker was,

in my mind, a little slow with

the Corona Light service

and overheard my critique of her speed

to Paul, subsequently slamming down six beers

onto a table and yelling "Here you go!" to me,

which I actually appreciated at the time,

as I was already ready for another

Corona anyway.

But now, sitting at The Social

by myself, being basically mugged

because of my proclivity toward mezcal,

I recognized that this comment,

even if not initially intended for

the server to hear,

had come back to bite me in

my ass, as I assumed the debt

for these seventeen dollar mezcals.

The waitress became the bartender

in the interim, and she's now

exacted her revenge with alacrity.

To the best of my recollection

I was only even on the damn street

because I had a dinner to attend

at Il Fornello around the corner,

and after handing the tab

back to my cocktail executioner,

I still had some time to kill,

so I drove down the street to Rocco's

for a sole additional drink

before I hit the dinner,

as I hadn't been

in eons it seemed

and now found myself in a nostalgic

if not bitter state of mind.

I recognized the bartender

at Rocco's from past eras,

back when I  

grabbed cocktails with that absolute

crumb Enzo on the regular,

but I couldn't recall the girl's name—

she greeted me amicably,

yet also refrained from using

a formal address, no doubt also

failing to recall me

fully either as

I asked for a

Johnny Black.

O, what cruel ironies

North Providence had in wait

for me that afternoon!—

the Rocco's girl gave

me a reasonable fare

for my subsequent

scotch on the rocks, and

I figured at that point it was probably

about time, now half in the bag,

to go back toward Fornello,

looping through my old parking lot,

to find the Russian guy's white truck

Tree had hated

still parked in his same

dipshit spot and letting down

my Civic's window

to hawk a loogie at the passenger door

as I drove by, ejecting the spit

far enough to clear my car but

unsure if I actually

connected with a

direct hit on the pickup,

unconvinced if I'd, like

the previous bartender,

successfully enacted a minuscule

revenge on an individual

I didn't even technically know.

—C: On the Amtrak to Penn Station

620:704 .881

On the Amtrak to Penn Station

on a Friday AM

I considered my

professional investigation

into the Epstein scandal,

filled as it is with ageless enigmas

and faux hoaxes,

and also my related but aborted novel

that I at the time titled Jeffrey of Nazareth,

where I’d imagined a near future

where the kid trafficker Jeff

was re-interpreted as a Christ-like

figure, where Americans

bought for sex toys for house pets

they saw on TikTok,

but now witnessing

internet celebrities,

who still know no lows,

wearing Free Ghislaine

tees I contemplated

whether or not

my failed novel was

in fact still satirical at all,

even now,

that perhaps Jeff Epstein

would soon be seen

as a sort of second coming of Jesus,

that possibly everybody

had it all wrong

all along—

that all those silly girls

who alleged under oath

they’d been sexually violated

as little kids were simply

unprosecuted liars?

Could Jeffrey Epstein actually be Jesus,

I considered in the coach class of Amtrak—

or is every single American who votes

Democrat and Republican

basically a pedophile, I thought,

because only a C student chimpanzee

could possibly view our political

system as anything but

irreversibly corrupt?

Every election in this failed state

is basically a faux pas

kayfabe mock election obfuscating

from the true extent of our state

of corruption,

I thought on the Amtrak,

in a realm of even remote American

collective intelligence

all these politicians

would be prosecuted and

placed into prison cells

for multiple decades at minimum, because

if a so-called state can’t at the very least

collectively act against

wide scale child rape

then the nation functionally

ceases to exist.

We live instead in a state of static anarchy

actually, I considered—

any notion of a nation

is purely illusory,

just like Zeno’s proofs on

the fictitious nature of The Many,

America is equally if not more

imaginary—

People

despise Stephen Miller

and his muppet wife

for incredibly good reason,

I thought,

as they’re both basically

treasonous idiots,

but they’re actually

a relatively minor symptom

of an even more serious disease,

as when people

like Misses Miller

appear on television programs

to endorse American fascism

while interpreting any criticism

of her own Nazi-adjacent opinions

as a racist attack on her

so-called Jewish identity

it’s unavoidably repulsive

to everyone,

yet even that egregious imbecility

is still an at best

minor symptom in the

larger scheme of a

fundamentally imaginary

America—

Episode II

2026 Syllables in London

1751:2026 .864

Mode: >.75

—A

642: 712 .902

The lack of a literary culture

which is probably a fault,

primarily I'd assume,

of our collective,

more or less grotesque,

American oligarchic class,

is without doubt

at least partially

responsible for

this state's

seemingly easy descent

into unrepentant fascism,

which to be clear

indubitably extends beyond

this current president,

who, while I'm sure he's

a nice enough guy,

I've overheard from

a variety of sources,

often shits in his

knickers, creating,

according to some in his

social circle,

a peculiar stench surrounding

his bodily space?

In any case,

this bureaucratic

rot has been

viciously present

in the House and

Senate,

dating back

not just

to Reagan,

but the corrupt

Clinton regime

that placed personal

profit over national security,

in all likelihood engaging

in state-sanctioned

assassinations to cover

said nonsense up,

to the extent

our branches of

legislation

are now basically

little beyond a

sad collection of

sterile nubs.

But anyway,

after landing

in London

we found

ourselves on

the Piccadilly

line to Cockfosters

with a clockwork

like repetition of

the train's final destination—

yet, for our part,

we'd be staying

at the delightfully dreary

Earl's Court borough,

but as the train

proceeded,

with each progressive

stop squishing

me incrementally

up against my

bulbous luggage

in the cramped cabin,

I considered the

origins of words,

for instance

the wonderful work

of someone

like, say, Noam Chomsky

(a great friend

of Jeff Epstein

by the way!),

even a lurid word

like "cock"

could take on so

many meanings,

similar to the phrase

"tax advice"

in the realm

of pederasts

and their high profile

protectors!

In fact,

I saw a few stray

minutes

of the aborted Epstein P.R.

Steve Bannon interview,

skipping stochastically

to his explanation

of the oh eight

financial crisis and I was

a bit blown away

at how utterly dumb

Jeff came off—

especially when he

attempted to explain

Newton and Pythagoras!—

and it's not even the

Coney Island

wise-guy accent

either, no,

the pure content of

his words were

indicative of a man

who'd spent the vast majority

of his adult brain cells

on blackmail and

lewd sex instead of

any sort of intellectual

pursuits,

Epstein purported to be

some magnanimous curio

of math, yet his explanation

of Pythagoras

revolved around

the revelation that

two triangles,

given the right circumstances,

can create

a square.

And I'd imagine

even that fat opportunist

Bannon'd have

to admit Jeff just

wasn't quite that bright, that

simply because you spout

some bullshit

about exchange rates

and central banks

in text chains,

in fact,

in no way means you

own an above average

capacity

toward critical thinking?

—B

1109:1314 .844

At the National Gallery

in Westminster,

after Tree told me

we'd visit the

Byron building,

I became a little flummoxed—

wandering around,

wondering what exactly

the author of Don Juan'd be

doing among all these

fucking painters—

just to stumble upon

original Pontormos,

Parmigianinos, Bronzinos,

my favorite Mannerist

painters—

art I'd gazed at as JPEGs

on the internet forever,

but now witnessed in

their original forms,

and I reflected back

to spending twenty bucks

to be granted admission into

RISD's museum,

whereas, now by contrast,

I was seeing

a half dozen original

Bronzino's for free.

On a second go round

of the Mannerist

rooms an American

tour guide posted up

in front of

Bronzino's Venus

pontificating an impromptu

talk regarding

the Mannerist movement

surrounded by

a series of

I'm sure well-intentioned

senior citizens

who were then prompted

to relay personal and

specific interpretations

of the quote-unquote

"theatrical" painting—

The next afternoon

after drinking

a couple scrumptious pints

at Churchill's pub

in Kensington

we walked

to an Iranian

restaurant

my wife's

British aunt

recommended,

where upon

perusing the Persian menu

I immediately decided to

breach

my vegetarian streak

and order the

lamb shank,

number forty four,

because it was either

that or the vegetable

biryani, but

at an Iranian spot,

which struck

me as a bit

inane at the time.

Under regular circumstances,

of course,

I'd vigorously consider

a vegetable biryani,

it'd probably be a bullseye

on a menu for me,

but sitting at Sadaf

with Kat and her

faux aunt,

I curiously lacked

any urge

to even utter the

two words

to the girls

as a dish

I'd consider,

instead I just said

"I think I need

to have that lamb shank,"

expecting a delicious

and expansive

hunk of lamb

after taking note of

the table to the right

passing around

a voluminous chop.

If the lamb chops,

I thought,

which generally

in America

are overpriced and

paltry,

are hearty,

then the shank

should be massive,

and if I'm eating meat

I might as well make

it fucking count.

Yet when the waiter

placed a

large plate of plain

white rice in front of

my person

minutes later

I was ominously perplexed,

and when he dropped a

side-plate-sized

chunk of so-called lamb shank

beside the rice

I knew I'd made a

grave mistake,

that this shank,

this first foray

I'd made into

Iranian lamb,

that it'd pale

in comparison

to great lambs of my past,

because of the

portion, but also the

seasoning, which

was lacking

to the extent of

non-existence, that

I'd have to at some

point text message

Farhad to confirm

I finally ate Persian lamb

and it was

precipitously disappointing,

no doubt I'd blame

the lackluster taste

on "being in London,"

while shrewdly

refraining to mention

that every other meal

we'd eaten in the city

up to that day

was fucking delicious.

This Persian lamb,

in my mind,

was only comparable

to the so-called

lamb shank

I'd got at a place

I'll refrain from naming

on West Fountain Street

that tasted like a

pair of Air Jordans,

when our waiter

went on

regarding his love of

so-called Greek

culture, only to

serve a

shank that was

basically a disgrace,

but to be fair

the lamb was

no direct fault

of the server, just

a sad coincidence.

The reality is

while the Iranian

lamb in London

may have been

somewhat subpar,

I've yet

to peruse a so-called

left-leaning outlet

in London

like our Politico State-side

talking of what

it would take to

quote-unquote

"put to bed"

a case like Epstein's,

which struck me as

a perfectly callous

bit of verbal vomit,

to disregard

the dozens

of underage victims

routinely abused

by this mysterious

billionaire and

his cabal of

well-connected

friends, who

include at least

two U.S. Presidents.

When prosecuting, say,

a mafia don

circumstantial evidence

acts as imperturbable

truth in our country,

as witnesses

who by their personal admission

are criminal pieces of shit

sign sworn statements

that make the reality

of the situation

crystal clear

to all involved

and formal trials

with possible

prison sentences

proceed,

yet a whole harem of

women claiming

the world's most

prominent whore-monger

Epstein and his Mossad

descended "girlfriend"

Ghislaine

were routinely abusing

literal children,

these women

are instead smeared

by allegedly "moderate"

American outlets

as essentially

bigger pieces of

shit than the loanshark

informants who sign affidavits

to put capos in prison.

The notion that

career criminals

who're bequeathed

the tangible benefit

of suspended prison

sentences

for State co-operation

are somehow

more trustworthy

witnesses

than women

who've been abused

as children by

international sexual terrorists,

people with literally

nothing to gain

but the contempt of

public American outlets

who're grotesquely

derelict in their duty

as news organizations—

it's nihilistic to

the highest degree,

a fresh low

for a state

that used to say

black people

were sixty percent

human.

Episode III

Oil Paint Stained Mesh Shorts

945:1111 .851

Mode: >.75

—(01) .921

In late Two Thousand

Eighteen

I was smoking an

ice hookah at Pasha

wearing

oil paint

stained black

basketball shorts

with dress socks

and creme brulee Sperry's

and felt surprisingly

fine about it,

which strikes me

like an acceptable

enough intro

to this mode.

—(02) .789

In a sense, I felt

in the moment that

all that remained was opinion,

this notion that the internet

itself was basically

our last standing forest,

a natural architecture entirely

dedicated to the morass

of people's little perspectives

on things, the informal

personal essay

basically as the fulcrum

of the internet itself,

but the essay as part and parcel

of a large amalgamation

of one expansive

Nonsensical Opinion,

and this

is essentially

our final remaining

foray into nature

and spontaneous architecture—

whereas Robert Frost

wrote about fucking trees

and sticks and stones

and shit, but

now?—that's all over.

—(03) .858

Even modern art,

I thought,

these horrendous Matisse

reprints you now see in Millennial

doctors' offices, what did they evince

but a particular degradation

of form, which then

expressed itself in unmeasured

and anecdotal poetry, which

subsequently served as a

rosetta stone of the

internet's personal essay,

which amalgamated into the

amorphous

Nonsensical Opinion—

was it possibly the case

the demolition

of all art basically

took place

in a free verse poem

about people's capricious feelings,

that this falsified subjectivity

that had been violently promoted

by CIA funded MFA programs

as so-called art for decades

was now finally realized

as a collectivist project

that was ipso facto the internet,

as an Amalgamated Nonsensical

Opinion, which is now our

last remaining National Park?

—(04) .769

Art is functionally nothing

if not just another

consumer product

in a capitalist machine

that at bottom

prioritizes portable butt wipes—

yes, the median

American citizen

is primarily concerned

with wiping their balloon knots

with only toilet paper

when away from home.

—(05) .841

Take an artist

like Tao Lin,

are we to truly believe

his novels,

which are perfectly

indicative of

acceptable contemporary

literary art,

was it ever truly tenable to

consider Tao's

specific novels

as explicitly

apolitical

(as they often are

categorized)—

regardless

of Lin's

more recent

tweets about

vaccines,

was his art itself

ever really divorced from

political opinion?

—(06) .847

Well, of course

not, not even close!—

because

Tao's novels are

absolutely apex

assets to the

private equity industry—

when Taipei

was released

K Street lobbyists  

were absolutely ecstatic

that so-called alt lit

had now finally

reached the mainstream,

that this brand of

ruthlessly tracking

your subjective

fleeting thoughts

but while

taking illicit prescription

drugs, which was

of course nothing

more than the imaginative

art of memory itself, as

it'd be impossible to recall

pure thoughts

in that manner,

when you were three sheets

to the wind,

that the notion

ostensibly

literary millennials

had completely eschewed

any analysis of the system

that fed them infinite xanax,

in favor of Larry David

adjacent

minutia calculus

was nothing but a

fucking monumental

victory for the financial

engineers and derivative

salespeople

of this country!

—(07) .905

It's possible it

was, in fact,

when I sat at Pasha

smoking an ice shisha

in paint stained

black basketball shorts

and Sperry's that

I considered:

Tao Lin

penned a long form

piece of so-called

autofiction

where he questioned

the frequency

his ostensible ex-wife's

showering sessions,

essentially,

leaving the question

of her hygiene

in a diabolical public

literary purgatory,

and that, far from

being an apolitical act,

actually

allowed the private equity

industry to fundamentally

seize control of the market

for single family homes,

to the extent

every major city in this

country is now dominated

by quote-unquote

"developers" who scoop up

affordable housing

with outrageous cash bids

from middle class

suckers who are then

forced to re-enter

a bubbly market to

hopelessly bid

on said property "flips"

or even worse

"lease new rental units."

Episode IV

The State Formed by the Social Contract

is the Modern Atheistic State

486:607 .807

Mode: >.75

—01 (162:196 .827)

Feeling

a day-after drag

from a mixture

of liquor,

which I don't endure

nearly as often as

when Max B was back

still serving

an ostensible

life sentence—

I can remember

laughing hysterically

when Carmine's dad

informed us he soiled his pants

on Christmas Eve

at his mom's,

mid conversation

with his biological brother,

excusing himself on

a whim because

he'd quote-unquote

"just shit his pants",

ambling to the lavatory

to discard his

racing track-laden

boxer shorts

tossing them into a

trash can

then continuing his

night, later

taking a call from me—

just to tell him

I'd left my mom's

a tad late,

that I'd fail to make

his mom's house,

he replying

it was winding down

anyway, apparently

no longer wearing

any underwear

whatsoever?

—02 (31:38 .816)

Carmine's dad's

admission of guilt,

I considered,

was actually an apt

allegory

for our government's

actions

over the past half

century?

—03 (109:145 .752)

In fact,

the man

might have

more honesty

in his pinky fingernail

than the entire

Department of Justice—

tracing back to at least

to the Sixties,

with Lyndon B's

mock investigation

into JFK's cranium

being blown into bits

in the middle of Dallas,

because

the United States

has for decades

been tossing its

shitty underpants into

the collective

metaphorical trash baskets

of the taxpayer,

but it can't seem to

ever admit to shitting itself,

instead contorting

history into

absurd proportions

to deny what's obvious

to everyone.

—04 (74:86 .860)

For my part,

on a Monday

evening on Mineral

Spring, I prepared a little fart

after peeing

only to spew

fecal fluid like

a lawn sprinkler,

which isn't really that

difficult to admit!—

to engage in a

mere modicum

of honesty

regarding past actions

(I too tossed

my drawers into a

trash receptacle

afterwards!)

—05 (110:141 .780)

But the State

Department

and CIA,

despite any

remotely educated

member of the

populace easily

identifying,

plus enduring the whiffs

of their bullshit underwear

occupying our bathroom

trash baskets

for decades,

seems to have some

psychological inability

with the simple

admittance of its

own grotesque

movements,

instead paying off

prominent media outlets

and so-called

public intellectuals

to muddy the waters

of their own soiled undies,

enacting instead

a perpetual motion machine

of shitting its pants!

Episode V

We're All In This Together Really

610:729 .837

Mode: >.75

"Although I sometimes get disturbed and begin to think that there is nothing without an idea!" — Socrates circa 450 BC

—01 (96:106 .906)

When Socrates

inquired Does Dirt

have an Idea,

admitting

he'd ran fast

from the possibility,

fearing his falling

into that

well enough known

bottomless

pit of nonsense,

Parmenides

wisely replied there

would arrive a time

when philosophy

would grab a firmer

grasp on the young man,

when he'd "no longer

despise even the meanest

of things" being as is

too much inclined

to consider the opinions

of men.

—02 (118:151 .781)

It's the fault of

the scholars overall,

with the exclusion

of perhaps Proclus

and Bruno,

to gloss over

this reply,

where the grandfather of

the monad essentially

admits to the materialist

basis

of emanation, that

ultimately for oneness

to retain any logic

whatsoever

the divine

principles need to

exist in the same plane

as the sensory nonsense,

that opinion must remain

in a sense concurrent

with the pure,

that yourself, for instance,

with all your faults

are the infinite sole

mirror in which

The One witnesses

Their Names,

to reference the Bezels

of Wisdom.

—03 (60:66 .909)

Take for instance

someone like

Scott Bessent

who's basically

a piece of Dirt,

or Matt Walsh, who'd

probably tweet

he'd let

Les Wexner

molest his own kids

if it'd gain

him a little additional

clout for a day's

news cycle, do

they indeed emanate

from Ideas?

—04 (89:113 .788)

The reality

is the Spinoza substrate,

even if emanated,

must be material,

so even bozos

like Bessent

and Matt have

some element

of Ideas behind them,

even if I,

as an impending

dad, disagree

with Walsh

about actually opposing

the systematic raping of

children,

that doesn't mean

I, ipso facto,

oppose his essence

as part of a

materialistic substrate

that encompasses

all Being.

—05 (120:142 .845)

In any case,

on a related note,

I've previously

considered myself

a supporting patron

of art museums,

even attending the Tate

and National Gallery

in London just

recently, but

there's another parcel

within me that's

begun to believe

we might need to burn

all of the art museums

down to the ground,

that all the great

art patrons must be

exiled from aesthetics

in one explosive motion,

a single sweeping swing,

that the entire

enterprise of

showcasing

a person's paintings in

these buffoonish galleries

is reprehensible?

—06 (128:151 .841)

I for one

never really

got off with

the rich and wealthy

art collector

class

or even the aristocratic

douchebag sector,

probably in part

because

in my younger years

I was prone to anarchic trends

and liable to

become ruthlessly inebriated

with anyone who

held similar disregard

for any and all institutions,

in a way

I was maybe born with

some inherent

lack of respect

for people like

Peggy Guggenheim

and Gertrude Stein,

which in retrospect

probably hasn't exactly

assisted in the literary

dissemination of my work.

Episode VI

452:514 .879

Mode: >.75

—01 (118:144 .819)

It's been a couple months

since I quit drinking Mezcal

on the rocks

after feeling for a few years

that Mezcal was the best

liquor to drink,

to some extent

"better" for your health than

Vodka or Scotch

and while I've

for the most part

appreciated

as a whole

not drinking Mezcal

on ice

I just today started

to contemplate

some of the shit

I'd written at the apex

of my Mezcal

consumption,

sipping mini water bottles

along the streets

around my flat

popping in this bar or that

and jotting down

syllables into a purple

notepad basically by

myself.

—02 (155:176 .881)

You can strip yourself

of a fictional subjective

perspective but I'm

not entirely convinced

that it'll land you any closer

to a true interpretation

of reality, which is perhaps

why at the beginning of

this year I decided to

start a series of

quote-unquote Modes

that would act as an

official autobiography

that was also obviously

false, not in the sense

of shit autofiction, but instead

in being constricted by

a metrical structure—

for example, my wife

was abutting upset

when we went to

Fred on Broadway this

past Friday because

allegedly I was

apparently glancing

at another asscrack

that occupied some

other seat in the spot?

—03 (76:80 .95)

Now, it's possible a couple

posteriors frankly

could have fit this

ostensible bill,

but I also didn't feel

like I was staring at

any singular ass

indiscriminately either,

unless my wife

was observing me

without ceasing, making

detailed note

of any passing glance

I may have made at Fred?

—04 (103:114 .904)

Yet it's obviously impossible

to accurately convey

this so-called subjective

experience via memory

alone, never mind when

constricted to a specific

metrical construct—not

only do I consider the idea

of me staring at shitshooters at Fred

to be fictional, but I also consider

my attempt to relay

the possibility

of me glancing at asses at

the spot to be equally untrue.

Episode VII

553:660 .838

Mode: >.75

—01 (133:152 .875)

I suppose it's probably accurate

to say that to some degree

I have a bit of a beef

with the so-called Beats

who were really,

functionally speaking

at least,

faux revolutionaries,

mock reformers

of the highest order,

or at least, in any case,

a loosely knit collection

of writers who basically

became shamelessly

State adjacent

in their confessional

ametrical texts that

like clockwork never addressed

economic root causes,

in my mind

at least, with the exception

I'd say of Kerouac

who at least drank himself

to death before he could

become an adjunct professor.

—02 (114:146 .781)

But at the same time

I was also sitting at La Braza

having just imbibed a couple

Michelobs, which to be fair

aren't exactly revolutionary

in nature, and I'd moved

my seat back just slightly

when I witnessed a couple waitresses

place a plate of what

appeared to be

shared apps on the table

in front of me,

because I didn't want to

find myself uncomfortably close to

these employees and their

de facto break table, yet I also

couldn't help but take

note of a cursive shaped

morsel on the plate

I was almost positive

was an octopus tentacle.

—03 (68:83 .819)

Son of a cunt,

I fucking love octopus,

I considered

while also recalling

my vegetarianism,

my previous pescatarianism,

my occasional flexitarianism,

my general aversion to consuming

corpses combined with my

occasional cravings for a lamb shank

but also octopus.

—04 (101:115 .878)

Octopus is like basically the best

seafood on the market when it's cooked

correctly, I considered, but I

was also, I recognized,

sitting in a Dominican

hookah bar, which struck me

as slightly curious, to

stumble upon a piece of

octopus cooked by Dominicans,

at a hookah bar?—while I was

actually waiting for Cormier

to arrive to, in fact, smoke a

hookah—could Dominicans

really cook delicious octopus?

—05 (137:164 .835)

I was a little dubious, as I'd

indulged in Italian octopus

previously at Maria Cucina

and actually deemed it pretty subpar,

really only the Greeks

and Portuguese had the ability

to properly cook plus season

octopus, I guess I'd rather ruthlessly

assumed that all other nations

were basically octopus deficient

simply based, perhaps,

on this single instance

of Cucina, where I'd seen

a long lost second cousin,

where the food was spotty

overall, where mafia capos

were celebrated with photo memorials,

where the octopus was essentially

trash to me.

Episode VIII

542:602 .900

Mode: >.75

—01 (181:211 .854)

Listening to heavy metal

but screwed and chopped

I reflected on

taking my friend Farhad,

who came to town

from Chicago

for the first time ever

this past November,

to a place called The Avery,

where the bartender,

who alleged she remembered me

following a few rounds of drinks

despite the fact

I had no recollection

of meeting her ever,

yet I respected her

depth of knowledge

when it came to Mezcal—

she gave me a particular brand

she said contained animal fat,

which intrigued me enough

to break my vegan streak,

figuring distilled animal fat

perhaps didn't count,

and after a few rounds

she poured us both a shot of Malort

which Farhad,

being a Midwest resident,

acutely refused to shoot down,

I, however, having heard horror

stories decided to indulge

and considered the liquor endearing—

it wasn't bad at all!

—02 (109:118 .924)

Being outside

sans smartphone,

what a feeling!

even if it's brick

and you have a bad case

of sciatica your wife

may have passed onto you

and the trash

is filled with rats

the size of small donkeys

you could saddle

and ride downtown

like Lyfts

for free

on frigid days like these,

when you carry

three bags of shit you no longer

need,

yet I digress

(William Williams

denouncing usury was unexpected

but I usually keep an open ear

for Fed polemics)

but back to the bar—

—03 (66:69 .957)

One hundred fourteen bucks

struck me like a lot as a tab

until I considered the amount

we both imbibed

of allegedly top shelf liquor,

it was possible,

I supposed,

that animal fat Mezcal

was marked up more

vociferously than

the typical vegan options.

—04 (89:89 1.00)

In any case

since Tree was probably about

done doing her makeup

we wandered back

to the flat to scoop her up

plus discuss dinner options,

of course filling up

a couple coffee cups

of Japanese whiskey

as we considered

all audibles, just like old times,

almost twenty years ago

or so

when we'd get shitfaced

with Mexican cooks

after shift's end.

—05 (97:114 .851)

But we were aged now,

more mature,

I no longer fornicated

beside the linoleum sidings

of immigrant cooks'

colonial homes,

sure perhaps I liked

a couple glasses of Mezcal

when my friend was visiting

the city I currently occupied,

but that was actually

quite grown up I considered

as we walked to Ogie's

which was the last time

I entered that establishment

for reasons I probably don't

need to divulge right now.

Diagrams

I

Diagrams

—A: Diagrams

863:1043 .827

The [b][l]unt rea[l]ity of m[y] [l][i]fe at the t[i]me

was [th]at [th]e [p][i]zza at [B]etto[l]a

was more a[pp][r]o[p][r][i]ate to [ea]t

with a [l]ite[r]al [s][ou][p] [s][p][oo]n

as [o][pp][o]sed to your [o][pp][o]sa[b]le [th]umbs,

[th]at [ea]ch [s]li[c]e was [s]t[ee][p]ed

[i]n [a]n [i]ll-[a]dvised a[m]ount of oil [a]nd ch[ee]se,

[th]at [th]e b[r][ea]d, [f]or th[a]t [m][a]tter,

was al[r][ea]d[y] [f]l[o][pp][y],

that [e]ven a [r]ob[u][s]t c[r][u][s]t [c]ould ne[v]er

[w]ithstand the [w]eight of the [t][o][pp]ings

as [c]u[rr]ently [c][o]n[s][t]i[t]uted,

which [c]aused the en[t]ire [p]izza

[t]o [a]val[a]nche down [t]o the [t][i]ps of your f[i]ngers

wh[e]n[e]ver you a[tt][e]m[p][t]ed

to [p][i]ck [i]t u[p],

thereb[y] forced to [c]on[s]ume the [s][l][i][c]e

in e[ss]entia[l]ly [o]ne r[u]shed b[i]te,

with all the ingr[e]d[i]ents

[c]on[c]a[t]enating on[t]o [ea]ch other,

l[ea]ving you [w]ith a [p][ie]ce

of [w][e]t br[ea]d in your [p]alm

that [c]on[s]tituted the [q]u[o]te-[u]n[q]u[o]te

"re[s]t [o]f the [s]li[c]e".

143:189 .757

It was [t]e[c]hni[c]ally [C][ur]t's idea [t]o go,

[w]hen [w]e [w][er]e

[s]t[i]ll at the [c][i]gar b[a]r [s][o]-c[a]lled d[i]nner,

where the [c][o][p]ious [s]m[o][k]e

was [s][ee][p][i]ng [i]nto our [s][k][i]ns

[b]y the [m][i]n[u]te,

where the [p][a]st[a] [w]as [m]ush

and the g[a]rlic [w]as [b][ur]nt,

where C[ur]t a[tt]emp[t]ed [t]o

[b]um a [s][i]ngle [c][i]gar[e]tte

o[ff] the [f]orty or [s][o] [p]eo[p]le

in [a]tt[e]nd[a]nce,

[a]ll to [n][o] [a]vail,

[n]either [o]ne [o]f [u]s

[s][m][o]king a [c]i[g]ar or [c]i[g]arette,

the [n]ew bartender

[m]ade al[m][o]st ent[i]re[l]y of [p][l][a][s]t[i][c],

[w]ith a [P][i][c]a[s]so [l][i][k]e

v[i]be to h[er] [w][or][k],

sh[e] [a][c]tua[l]l[y] [g][a]ve [m]e a [g]r[ea]t deal

on the [m][ay]be [ei]ght

[M]i[c]helob [U]ltras I ch[u]gged!

122:144 .847

[B]ut [B][e]tto[l][a] was [a][ll][e]ged

to [s][p]ort the [b][e][s]t [p]izza

in the [s]tate,

it w[a]s [s][o]mething

[a][pp]a[r]ently [a] g[r][ou][p]

of [c]on[s][u]mers [c]a[s]t votes on

at [s][o]me time, [s][o]mewhere,

[a]nd [s][u]b[s][e][q]u[e]ntly the a[w]ard [w]as

[a]dvert[i]sed

[r][i]ght in f[r]ont of their [s]toop,

[s][o] I [s]aw n[o] [r]eal [r]isk

in [s]to[p]ping b[y],

as [I] was [s]till u[p]

[f]or a [b][i]te, [f][i]nding

the [p][a][s]t[a] at the [b][ar]

a [b]it [s]ub[p][ar],

[p]lus it was a [s]tr[ai]ght [s]hot

u[p] [P]onti[a][c]

in [a]ny [c][a][s]e.

88:101 .871

Yet wh[i]le [I]'m

t[y][p][i]ca[ll][y] of the m[i]nd

to [s][i][l]ent[l][y] di[s][p]arage

a [r][e][s]tau[r][a]nt's [o]ffe[r]ing

th[e]n just n[e]ver [r][e][t]urn

ag[ai]n, [C]urt, b[y] [c]on[t][r]ast,

[t][e]n[d]ed to vo[c]al[i]ze

h[i]s [d][i][s][c]on[t][e]nt

to [w][ai]t st[a]ffs,

[a]nd [w]ith a [c]omp[l][ai]nt

[I] [q]u[i]et[l]y a[dd][r][e][ss]ed

to him n[ow] [b][u]tt[r][e][ss][i]ng

h[i]s [ow]n [d][i][s]g[u]st

he [c]alled the [b]artender,

R[ei]gn,

o[v]er to [v]oice his [c]oncerns

with the n[o]tion b[o]th [p]izzas

[w]e ord[er]ed [w][er]en't "g[r][ea]t",

yet [R][ei]gn, [f]or her [p]art,

[f]ound [C]urt's [c][o]m[p]l[ai]nt

just as [c][o]ntem[p]tible

as we [f]ound the [p]l[a][c]e's

[p]izz[a]—she w[a]s [f]ran[k][l]y a [l]ittle sho[c]ked

that a [p]er[s]on [c]ould [d]is[l][i][k]e

th[i]s lusc[i]ous [p][i]e.

125:138 .906

Th[i]s [f]ood [i]n [f]r[o]nt of [u]s w[a]s,

to [R][ei]gn, g[r][ea]t [p]izza,

yet she now [s]tood [f][a][c]ed w[i]th

two [p][a]t[r][o]ns

who [s][ee]med to di[s]ag[r][ee],

[j][u]dging n[ot] [j][u]st the [p]articular [p][i]es

they g[o]t to [b]e s[u]b[p]ar,

[b][u]t the a[c]tual [c]onstr[u][c]tion

of the [p]izza it[s][e]lf,

the un[d]erlying ar[c]hit[e][c]ture

of the [r][e][s]tau[r]ant's [r][e][c]i[p][e]

to b[e] [d][ee][p][l][y] [f][l]awed.

68:79 .861

[O]h n[o],

it's f[i]ne, [I] said,

en[t][i]re[l][y] [i]n[s][i]n[c][e]re[l][y],

[t]e[ll]ing R[ei]gn

the food was o[k][ay],

there was [r][ea][l]l[y] [n][o] [n][ee]d

for us to [c]omp[l][ai]n—

[m][ay]b[e] j[u]st get [m][e]

[o]ne [m]ore [M][i]che[l][o]b

[i]f you h[a]ve a ch[a]nce?

46:47 .979

So [I] [b]elieve [C][ur]t and [I]

were [b][o]th [s][ur]p[r][i]sed

when [R][ei]gn [c][a]me

[o]ver [s]ome [t]ime l[a]ter,

[a]fter [t]o-g[o] [b]oxes

h[a]d [b]een [p][a][c]ked

and night [c][a][p]s'd

[b]een [s]i[p]ped,

with a [f][r]esh [p][i]e,

[s]aying T[r][y] this one on [f]or [s][i]ze—

yet, wh[i]le [I] of [c]ourse,

had [n]o [i]n[c][l][i][n][a]tion to [c]om[p][l][ai]n,

I [d]i[d]n't even object

to the m[ea]t on the [p][i]zza,

I'd r[a]ther h[a]ve, [a]t th[a]t [p]oint,

[b]r[ea]ched my own [v][e]ganism

[b]efore I [l]e[v][ie]d a [c]om[p][l][ai]nt

to R[ei]gn,

yet [C]urt wasn't of the [s][a]me m[i]nd

as [I].

86:109 .789

Yeah, [s][ee], he [s]aid,

this [p][i]zza has the [s]ame

[p][r]o[b]lem—[p][r]o[c][ee]ding to show

[R][ei]gn and [n]ow a[n]other

w[ai]t[r][e][s]s

the [e][ss][e]ntial in[c]ongru[e]nce

[b]etween [th]e [th][i][c]kn[e]ss

of the [b]read

and the [p][ay]load

of the [m]ul[t]i[p]le [t]o[pp]ings,

how it [m][a]de the [p][i]zza

[r][ea]ll[y] hard to [ea]t.

48:64 .75

What [R][ei]gn still f[ai]led

to [c][o]m[p]rehend [w][a]s it [w][a]sn't

the [c][o]m[p]o[n][e]nts of [B][e]ttola's

pizza that were obj[e][c]tio[n]a[b]le,

it was in[s]t[ea]d the

[c]ore geometr[y] of the [p]ie

that was [b][a][s]i[c]all[y] una[cc][e][p]ta[b]le—

in [a]n [e]n[t]irel[y] ill-[f][a]ted a[tt]em[p]t

to [s][a]ve [f][a][c]e

[C]urt asked [R][ei]gn

to [m][a]ke us

an [e][s]p[r][e][ss][o] [m]art[i]n[i]

but with [t]e[q]u[i]la,

her id[i][o][s]yn[c]ratic [t][a][k]e

[o]n the [c][o][c]k[t][ai]l.

78:95 .821

[P]er[s]onally I [f]ound the

[t]e[q]uila-b[a][s]ed [e][s][p]r[e][ss][o] [m]ar[t][i]n[i]

as ge[o][m][e]tri[c]all[y] o[ff] [k]ilter

as the [p][i]zza,

all I [c]ould [t][a][s]te

was the damn agav[e],

y[e]t I [k][e]pt [m]y [m]outh [c]l[o]sed,

my [t]o-g[o] box ready

[t]o [t]a[k]e h[o]me

to my [l]oving wi[f]e,

[f][i]lled to the b[r][i]m w[i]th sh[i]tty pizza

as a [l][i]ttle [C]hr[i]stm[a]s g[i][f]t—

59:77 .766

—B: Diagrams

743:900 .826

[S][i]tt[i]ng at The [S]ocial

[b][y] [m][y][s]elf,

[m]y [f]irst t[i]me [b]ack on [M]ine[r]al [S]p[r]ing

[s]ince [I]'d [m]oved [f][r]om the [s]t[r]eet

a[f]ter [r]es[i]ding [b]e[s][i]de Ta[c]o [B]ell

[f]or a [d]e[c][a]de [p][l]u[s]—

the [s][p]ot I [d][r][a]nk [a]t [l][o][c][a]ted

[a] [d][oor] [o]ver [f]rom my [f][or][m]er [a][p]art[m]ent,

[a] [d]ila[p]i[d]ated [b]u[i]l[d][i]ng w[i]th

[a][b]out [f]ive [b][u]sin[e]sses

[o]n the [b][o]ttom [f]loor—

and I knew [f]or a [f]act this [p]asty [b]artender

was u[p]se[ll]ing [m][e] egr[e]gious[l][y] on

her sh[i]tty [l][i]ttle [m]ez[c][a]l g[l][a][ss]es,

the [C][a][s][a][m][i]gos [b]rand to [b]oot,

m[y] [l][ea]st favorite

b[y] a [l][ar]ge m[ar]gin.

114:128 .891

The whore charged m[e] [s]e[v]ent[ee]n per

d[r][i]nk wh[i]ch [i]n North [P][r][o][v]o[l][o]ne

was [s][i]m[p]l[y] an atro[c][i]t[y],

[e]ven [f]i[f]t[ee]n bucks [p][er]

g[l][a]ss was hy[p]otheti[c]a[ll][y] [a]b[s][ur]d,

it was [c]om[p][l][e]te[l][y] out of [l][i]ne

[I] thought as [I] be[g][r]udgingly [g]ave

h[er] my Dis[c]ov[er] [c]ard,

re[c]alling j[u]st a [c][ou][p]le [m][o]nths [p][r][i]or

at [m][y] f[r]iend [R][y]an's

birthday [p][ar]ty—when this [p][ar]ti[c]ular

[S][o]cial [w][or][k]er [w]as,

in [m][y] [m][i]nd, a [l]ittle [s][l][o]w with

the [C]or[o]na [L]ight [s][er][v]ice

and [o][v]er[h][ear]d my [c]rit[i][q]ue of [h][er] [s][p][ee]d

to [P]aul, [s]ub[s]e[q]uent[l]y [s][l]amming down [s]ix [b]eers

on[t]o a [t]a[b]le and yelling "Here you go!" to m[e],

which I [a]ctuall[y] appr[e]c[i]ated [a]t the t[i]me,

[a]s [I] was [a]l[r][ea]d[y] [r][ea]d[y] for [a][n]other

Coro[n]a a[n]yway.

137:173 .792

[B]ut [n]ow, [s][i]tt[i]ng at The [S]ocial

[b][y] m[y][s]elf, [b][e]ing [b]a[s]i[c]al[l][y] [m][u]gged

[b]e[c][au]se of [m]y p[r]o[c][l][i]v[i]t[y] toward [m]ez[c]al,

I [r]e[c][o]gnized [th]at [th]is [c]o[mm]ent,

even [i]f [n]ot [i]n[i]t[i]ally [i]ntended for

the [s][er]v[er] to [h]ear,

[h]ad [c]ome [b]a[c]k to [b]ite [m]e in

[m]y [a]ss, [a]s I a[ss]umed the [d]ebt

for th[e]se [s]event[ee]n [d]ollar mez[c][a]ls.

65:79 .823

The w[ai]t[r][e]ss [b]e[c][a]me the [b]ar[t]ender

[i]n the [i]n[t]e[r][i]m, [a]nd she's now

[e]x[a]cted her [r][e]v[e]nge with al[a][c][r][i]ty.

23:28 .821

To the b[e]st of m[y] r[e][c]o[ll][e][c]tion

[I] was on[l][y] [e]ven on the [d]amn str[ee]t

be[c]ause I had a [d][i][nn]er [t]o [a][tt]end

at [I]l [F]or[n]ello [a]round the [c]orner,

[a]nd [a][f]ter h[a]nding the [t][a]b

b[a][c]k to my [c]o[c]k[t]ail exe[c]utioner,

[I] [s]t[i]ll had [s]ome t[i]me to [k][i]ll,

[s][o] I [d][r][o]ve [d]own the [s]t[r]eet to [R]occ[o]'s

[f]or a [s][o]le a[dd][i]t[i]onal [d][r][i]nk

[b]e[f]ore I h[i]t the [d][i]nner,

[a]s I h[a]dn't [b][ee]n

[i]n [e]ons it [s][ee]med

and [n][ow] [f][ou]nd my[s]el[f] in a [n]o[s]talgic

[i]f [n]ot [b][i]tter [s]tate of m[i]nd.

90:114 .789

[I] [r]e[c]og[n][i]zed the [b]artender

at [R]o[cc]o's f[r]om p[a]st e[r]as,

[b][a][c]k when I  

g[r][a]bbed [c]o[c]ktails with th[a]t [a]bso[l]ute

[c][r]umb [E]nzo on the [r][e]gu[l]ar,

[b]ut I [c]ouldn't [r]e[c]all the [g]irl's n[a]me—

sh[e] [g][r][ee]ted [m][e] a[m]i[c]a[b]l[y],

yet also [r]e[f][r][ai]ned [f][r]om using

[a] [f]ormal [a][dd][r]ess, n[o] [d]oubt als[o]

[f]ai[l]ing to [r]e[c]all m[e]

[f]u[ll][y] [ei]ther [a]s

I [a]sked [f]or a

Johnny Bl[a]c[k].

71:87 .816

[F]u[c]k a mez[c][a]l,

I [th]ought,

re[f]le[c]ting [th][a]t

the g[a]s station [a]t the

[c]or[n]er of Mi[n]e[r]al

and [D][ou]g[l]as w[a]s

[c]omp[l][e]te[l][y] [r]e[d]one,

it s[ee]med [l]i[k]e [d]e[c]ades

[s]in[c]e I'd [b]een u[p] North

b[u]t it w[a]s j[u]st a c[ou][p]le [m][o]nths

at [m]ost [s]in[c]e the [m][o]ve—

the [f]u[c]king [K]orean [B]ar[b]e[q][ue]

[s][p]ot [f]inally o[p]ened t[oo],

after [r]e[m][ai]ning in a [s]t[a]te

of [l]imbo for the [l]a[s]t

[s][i]x [m]onths w[e]'d

[l][i]ved a[c][r]oss the [s]tr[ee]t.

77:92 .837

O, what [c][r]uel i[r]onies

[N]orth P[r]ovidence h[a]d in w[ai]t

[f]or me th[a]t [a][f]ter[n]oon!—

the [R]occo's [g]irl [g][a]ve

m[e] a [r][ea]sonable [f]are

[f]or my [s]ub[s]e[q]uent

[s][c][o]tch [o]n the r[o][c]ks, and

I [f]igured [a]t th[a]t [p]oint it was [p]ro[b][a][b]ly

[a][b]out time, now h[a]l[f] in the [b][a]g,

[t]o go [b][a][c]k [t][o]ward [F][o]rne[ll]o,

[l][oo][p]ing thr[ou]gh my old [p]ar[k]ing [l]ot,

to f[i]nd the R[u]ssian g[u]y's wh[i]te [t][r][u]ck

[T][r]ee [h]ad [h]ated

[s]till [p]ar[k]ed [i]n h[i]s [s]ame

[d][i][p]sh[i]t [s][p]ot and [l]etting [d]own

my [C][i]v[i][c]'s w[i]n[d]ow

to haw[k] a [l]oogie [a]t the [p][a][ss]enger [d]oor

[a]s I [d]rove by, [e]jecting the [s][p]it

[f]ar [e]n[ou][gh] to [c][l][ea]r my [c]ar b[u]t

[u]nsure if I a[c]tua[ll][y]

[c]onn[e][c]ted w[i]th a

dir[e][c]t h[i]t on the [p][i][c]ku[p],

un[c]onv[i]nced [i]f [I]'d, l[i][k]e

the [p][r][e][v][i]ous bartender,

[s]u[c]c[e][ss]fully [e][n]a[c]ted a m[i][n]u[s][c]ule

[r]e[v]enge on an [i]n[d][i][v][i]dual

I [d][i][d]n't [e]ven t[e][c]h[n]i[c]all[y] k[n]ow.

166:199 .834

—C: Diagrams

620:704 .881

[O]n the [A]mtr[a]k to [P]enn [S]t[a]tion

[o]n a [F][r]id[ay] [A]M

I [c]on[s]idered my

[p][r]o[f][e]ss[i]onal [i]nv[e][s]t[i]g[a]tion

[i]n[t]o the [E][p][s][t]ein [s][c]andal,

[f][i]lled as [i]t [i]s w[i]th [a]ge[l]ess en[i]gmas

[a]nd [f][au]x h[oa]xes,

[a]nd als[o] my [r]e[l][a]ted [b]ut a[b]orted [n]ovel

th[a]t [I] [a]t the [t][i]me [t][i]tled Jeff[r]ey of [N][a]za[r]eth,

[w]here I’d im[a]gined a [n]ear [f]uture

[w]here the [k]id [t][r]a[ff][i][c]ker Je[ff]

[w]as [r]e-in[t]erp[r]eted as a [C]h[r][i]st-l[i]ke

[f]igure, wh[er]e Am[e][r]i[c]ans

[b]ought for [s]ex [t]oys [f]or house pets

they [s]aw on [T]i[k][T]o[k],

[b]ut [n]ow wit[n]e[ss][i]ng

[i]nter[n][e]t [c][e][l][e][b][r]ities,

who [s]till k[n][o]w [n][o] [l][o]ws,

wea[r]ing F[r][ee] Ghis[l][a]ine

[t][ee]s I con[t][e]mp[l][a]ted

wh[e]ther or [n][o]t

my [f][ai]led [n][o]vel was

in [f][a][c]t [s][t]ill [s]a[t]iri[c]al [a]t all,

even [n]ow,

that [p]erh[a][p]s J[e]ff [E]p[s]t[ei]n

would [s]oon b[e] [s][ee]n

as a [s]ort of [s]e[c]ond [c]oming of J[e]sus,

that po[ss]i[b]l[y] eve[r][y][b]od[y]

had it [a]ll w[r][o]ng

[a]ll [a]l[o]ng—

that [a]ll th[o]se [s]i[ll]y girls

who [a][ll]eged under [o]ath

they’d b[ee]n [s][e]xua[ll]y v[i]o[l]ated

as [l][i]ttle [k][i]ds were [s][i]m[p][l]y

un[p]ro[s]e[c]uted [l][i]ars?

200:239 .837

[C]ould J[e]ffr[ey] [E]p[s]t[e]in a[c]tua[ll][y] b[e] J[e]sus,

I [c]on[s][i]dered [i]n the [c]oach [c][l][a][s]s of [A]mtr[a][k]—

or [i]s [e]ve[r]y [s][i]ngle A[m][e][r]i[c]an who votes

[D]e[m]o[c][r][a]t [a]nd [R]e[p]u[b][l]i[c]an

[b]a[s]i[c]a[ll][y] a [p]e[d]oph[i]le, [I] thought,

[b]e[c]ause on[l][y] a [C] [s]tudent chim[p]anz[ee]

[c]ould [p]o[ss]i[b][l][y] view our [p]o[l][i]t[i][c]al

[s][y][s]tem [a]s [a]nything [b][u]t

i[rr]ever[s]i[b][l][y] [c]o[rr][u][p]t?—

87:88 .989

[E]very [e][l][e]ction [i]n th[i]s [f][ai]led [s]t[a]te

is b[a][s]i[c]a[ll]y a [f]aux pas

[k][a]y[f][a]be m[o][c]k [e]l[e][c]tion [o]b[f]u[s][c][a]ting

[f]rom the [t][r]ue ex[t]ent of our [s]t[a]te

[o]f [c]o[rr][u]ption,

I th[o]ught [o]n the [A]mt[r][a][k],

in a [r][ea]lm of even [r][e][m]ote A[m][e][r]i[c]an

[c]o[ll][e][c]t[i]ve int[e][ll][i]gence

all th[e]se [p]o[l][i]t[i]c[i]ans

would b[e] [p][r]o[s]e[c]uted and

[p][l]aced [i]n[t]o [p][r][i]s[o]n [c]ells

for [m]ul[t]i[p]le de[c][a]des at [m][i]n[i][m][u]m, be[c][au]se

if a [s]o-[c]alled [s]t[a]te [c][a]n’t [a]t the ver[y] [l][ea]st

[c]o[ll]e[c]tive[l][y] a[c]t against

w[i]de [s][c][a]le ch[i]ld r[a]pe

[th]en [th]e [n][a]tion functio[n]all[y]

[c][ea][s]es to exi[s]t.

126:129 .978

We [l][i]ve [i]n[s]tead [i]n a [s][t]ate of [s][t][a]tic [a]nar[c]h[y]

[a][c]tua[ll][y], I [c]on[s]idered—

a[n][y] [n][o][ti]on of a [n]a[ti]on

is [p]ure[l][y] i[ll]uso[r][y],

just [l]ike Ze[n][o]’s [p][r]oofs on

the [f][i][c]t[i]t[i]ous [n]ature of The [M]a[n][y],

A[m]e[r]i[c]a is [e][q]uall[y] [i]f [n]ot [m]ore

i[m]agi[n]a[r][y]—

59:68 .868

[P][e]o[p]le

[d]e[s][p]ise [S]t[e]phen [M]iller

and his [m]u[pp]et wi[f]e

[f]or in[c][r]e[d]i[b]l[y] good [r][ea]son,

I thought,

as they’re [b]oth [b]a[s]i[c]all[y]

t[r][ea]s[o][n]ous [i]d[i]ots,

[b]ut they’re actua[ll][y]

a [r]e[l]ative[l][y] [m]i[n]or [s]ym[p]tom

of an [e]ven [m]ore [s]e[r][i]ous dis[ea]se,

as when [p][e]o[p]le

[l]ike [M][i][s]s[e]s [M][i]ller

a[pp]ear on [t][e][l][e]v[i]s[i]on [p][r]og[r]ams

[t]o endorse A[m][e][r][i][c]an fa[s]c[i]sm

while in[t]er[p][r]eting a[n]y [c][r][i]t[i][c][i]sm

of her own [N][a]zi-[a]dj[a][c][e]nt opinions

as a [r][a][c][i]st atta[c]k on her

[s]o-[c]alled Jewish i[d]entit[y]

it’s [u]n[a]voi[d]abl[y] [r]epul[s]ive

to [e][v]e[r]yone,

yet [e][v][e]n that [e]gr[e]g[i]ous [i]m[b]e[c][i]l[i]t[y]

[i]s [s]t[i]ll [a]n [a]t [b]est

minor [s][y]mpt[o]m [i]n the

[l]arger [s][c]heme of a

fund[a][m]enta[ll][y] i[m][a]gin[a][r][y]

[A][m]e[r]i[c]a—

148:180 .822

II

Diagrams

—A

642: 712 .902 (x5)

The [l]ack of a [l]ite[r]a[r][y] [c]ulture

wh[i]ch [i]s [p][r]o[b]a[b][l][y] a fault,

[p][r]ima[r]i[l][y] I'd a[ss]ume,

of our [c]o[ll][e][c]tive,

[m][or]e [or] [l][e][s]s [g][r]ot[e][s][q]ue,

A[m]e[r]i[c]an o[l]i[g]ar[c]hic [c][l][a]ss,

is with[ou]t d[ou]bt

[a]t [l][ea]st [p]artia[ll][y]

re[s][p]onsible for

this [s]tate's

[s][ee]ming[l][y] [ea]s[y] [d][e][s]c[e]nt

in[t]o unr[e]p[e]n[t][a]nt fascism,

which to [b]e [c][l]ear

[i]n[d]u[b]ita[b]ly [e]xt[e]nds [b]eyond

th[i]s [c]u[rr]ent p[r][e]s[i][d][e]nt,

who, wh[i]le [I]'m sure he's

a [n][i]ce e[n]ou[gh] g[uy],

[I]'ve o[v]erheard [f][r]om

a [v]a[r][i]ety of [s]our[c]es,

o[f]ten sh[i]ts [i]n h[i]s

kni[c]kers, [c]reating,

a[c]cor[d]ing to [s]ome [i]n h[i]s

[s]ocial [c][ir][c]le,

a [p]e[c]ul[iar] [s]tench [s]urroun[d]ing

his bo[d]ily [s][p][a][c]e?

130:149 .872

In any [c][a][s]e,

this [b]u[r]eau[c][r][a]tic

[r]ot h[a]s [b]een

v[i]c[i]ously p[r][e]s[e]nt

in the House and

S[e]n[a]te,

d[a]t[i]ng [b]ack

not j[u]st

to [R][ea]g[a]n,

[b][u]t the [c]orr[u]pt

[C]l[i]nt[o]n [r]egime

that [p][l][a][c]ed [p]er[s]o[n]al

[p][r]ofit o[v]er [n][a]tio[n]al [s]e[c]u[r]ity,

in all [l]i[k]e[l]ihood eng[a]g[i]ng

in [s]t[a]te-[s][a]n[c]tioned

[a][ss][a][ss]in[a]t[i]ons to [c]o[v]er

[s]aid [n]on[s][e]nse up,

to the [e]xt[e]nt

our [b]r[a]nches of

[l][e]gi[s][l][a]tion

are [n]ow [b][a][s]i[c]a[ll]y

[l]ittle [b]eyond a

[s]ad [c]o[ll][e][c]tion of

[s]t[e]rile [n][u]bs.

97:113 .858

B[u]t a[n]yway,

[a][f]ter [l][a]n[d]ing

in [L]on[d]on

we [f]ound

[o]urselves [o]n

the Pi[cc]adi[ll]y

[l][i]ne to C[o][c]kf[o]sters

[w]ith a [c][l][o][c]k[w]or[k]

[l][i][k]e [r][e][p][e]t[i]t[i]on of

the t[r][ai]n's [f]inal [d][e][s]t[i]n[a]tion—

yet, [f]or our [p]art,

w[e]'d b[e] [s]t[a]y[i]ng

at the [d]e[l]ightfu[ll][y] [d][r][ea][r][y]

Earl's C[ou]rt [b][o][r]ough,

[b]ut as the t[r]ain

[p][r]o[c][ee]ded,

with [ea]ch [p][r]og[r]e[ss]ive

[s]top [s][q]u[i]sh[i]ng

[m]e [i]n[c][r][e]m[e]nta[ll]y

[u][p] ag[ai]nst my

[b][u]l[b][ou]s [l][u]ggage

in the [c]r[a]mped [c][a]bin,

I [c]on[s][i]dered the

o[r][i]g[i]ns of [w][or]ds,

for [i]n[s]t[a]nce

the [w][o]nder[f]ul [w][or][k]

of [s][o]me[o]ne

li[k]e, [s][ay], Noam Chom[s][k]y

(a g[r][ea]t [f][r]i[e]nd

of J[e][f]f [E]p[s]t[ei]n

by the [w][ay]!),

[e]ven a [l][ur]id [w][or]d

[l]i[k]e "[c]o[c]k"

[c]ould ta[k]e on [s]o

[m]a[n]y [m]ea[n]ings,

[s][i]m[i]lar to the ph[r]ase

"t[a]x [a]dvi[c]e"

in the [r][e]alm

of [p][e]d[e][r][a][s]ts

[a]nd their h[i]gh [p][r]o[f][i]le

[p][r]otectors!

175:174 1.01

In [f]act,

I [s]aw [a] [f]ew [s]tray

m[i][n][u]tes

of the [a][b]orted E[p][s]t[ei]n [P].R.

[S]t[e]ve [B][a][n]non [i]nterview,

[s][k][i]pp[i]ng [s]t[o][c]h[a][s]ti[c]a[ll]y

to his ex[p][l]a[n][a]tion

of the [o]h [ei]ght

fi[n][a]ncial [c]r[i]sis [a]nd [I] was

a [b]it [b][l][o]wn aw[ay]

at how [u]tter[l][y] d[u]mb

J[e]ff [c][a]me off—

[e]sp[e]cia[ll][y] wh[e]n h[e]

att[e]m[p]ted to [e]x[p][l]ain

[N]ewton and [P]yth[a]goras!—

[a]nd it's [n]ot even the

[C][o][n][ey] [I]sland

w[i]se-g[uy] [a]ccent

[ei]ther, [n][o],

the p[ur]e [c]ontent of

his [w][or]ds [w][er]e

[i]nd[i][c]at[i]ve of a [m][a]n

who'd [s]p[e]nt the v[a][s]t m[a]jority

[o]f his [a]d[u]lt [b]r[ai]n [c][e]lls

on [b][l][a]ck[m][ai]l and

[l]ewd [s][e]x [i]n[s]t[ea]d of

any [s]ort of [i]nt[e]ll[e]ctual

[p][ur][s]uits,

E[p][s]tein [p][ur][p]orted to be

[s]ome [m][a]g[n][a][n]i[m]ous curio

of m[a]th, y[e]t his [e]x[p]la[n]ation

of [P]yth[a]go[r]as

[r][e][v]olved a[r]ound

[th]e [r][e][v][e]lation [th]at

[t]wo [t][r][i][a]ngles,

g[i]v[e]n the [r][i]ght [c]ir[c]um[s]t[a]n[c]es,

[c][a]n [c][r]eate

a s[q]uare.

173:203 .852

[A]nd I'd [i]m[a]g[i]ne

even th[a]t [f][a]t opportu[n]ist

B[a][nn][o]n'd h[a]ve

to [a]dmit [J]e[ff] [j][u]st

w[a]sn't [q]u[i]te th[a]t br[i]ght, th[a]t

[s]im[p]ly [b]e[c]ause you [s][p][ou]t

[s]ome [b]ullshit

a[b][ou]t [e]x[ch][a]nge [r][a]tes

[a]nd [c]ent[r]al b[a]nks

[i]n t[e]xt [ch][ai]ns,

[i]n fact,

[i]n n[o] w[ay] means you

[o]wn an abo[v]e [a][v]e[r]age

[c]ap[a]c[i]ty

toward [c][r][i]t[i][c]al th[i]n[k][i]ng?

67:73 .918

—B

[A]t the [N][a]tio[n]al G[a]llery

in [W]estm[i]nster,

[a]fter [T]r[ee] [t]old m[e]

[w][e]'d v[i]s[i]t the

[B][y]ron [b]u[i]l[d][i]ng,

[I] [b]ecame a [l]ittle f[l]ummoxed—

[w]an[d]e[r]ing a[r]ound,

[w]on[d]e[r]ing [w]hat exactly

the [au]thor [o]f [D]on J[u]an'd b[e]

[d][o]ing [a]mong [a]ll th[e]se

f[u]cking [p]ainters—

j[u][s]t to [s]t[u]m[b]le [u][p]on

or[i]g[i]n[a]l [P]ontorm[o]s,

[P]armigia[n][i][n][o]s, [B][r]onz[i]n[o]s,

my favo[r][i]te Ma[nn]e[r][i]st

[p][ai]nters—

art I'd g[a]zed [a]t [a]s J[P][E]Gs

on the inter[n][e]t for[e]ver,

but [n]ow w[i]t[n][e]ssed [i]n

their o[r][i]g[i][n]al [f]orms,

and I [r]e[f]l[e]ct[e]d [b]a[c]k

to sp[e]n[d]ing [t]w[e]nty [b]u[c]ks

to [b]e g[r][a]n[t]ed [a]d[m][i]ss[i]on [i]nto

[R][I]S[D]'s [m]us[e][u]m,

[w]here[a]s, now [b]y cont[r][a]st,

I [w]as s[ee][i]ng

a h[a]lf dozen o[r][i]g[i][n][a]l

[B][r]onz[i][n]o's [f]or [f][r][ee].

141:166 .849

On a se[c]ond [g]o [r]ound

of the [M][a]nne[r]ist

[r]ooms [a]n A[m]e[r]i[c]an

tour [g]uide [p]osted [u]p

in f[r][o]nt [o]f

B[r][o]nz[i][n]o's V[e][n]us

[p]ont[i]f[i][c]ating an im[p][r][o]m[p][t][u]

[t][a]l[k] [r]eg[a]r[d]ing

the [M]anne[r]ist [m][o]ve[m]ent

[s]u[rr]oun[d]ed by

a [s]e[r]ies of

I'm [s][ur]e well-in[t]entioned

[s]eni[or] [c][i]t[i]z[e]ns

who w[er]e then [p][r]om[p][t]ed

to [r]el[ay] [p]er[s]onal and

[s][p]e[c][i]f[i]c in[t]er[p][r]e[t][a]t[i]ons

of the [q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te

"thea[t][r]i[c]al" [p][ai]nt[]ing—

88:98 .898

The [n]ext [a][f]ter[n]oon

[a][f]ter d[r][i]n[k][i]ng

a [c][ou][p]le [s][c][r][u]m[p]tious [p][i]nts

at Church[i]ll's [p]ub

in [K]ens[i]ngton

[w]e [w]al[k]ed

to an I[r]anian

[r][e]stau[r]ant

[m][y] w[i]fe's

B[r][i]t[i]sh aunt

[r]eco[mm][e]nd[e]d,

where u[p]on

[p][er]using the [P][er]sian [m][e]nu

[I] i[mm][e][d][i]atel[y] [d]e[c][i][d]ed to

b[r][ea]ch

my vegeta[r][i]an [s]t[r][ea]k

and [or]der the

l[a]mb sh[a]nk,

n[u]mber [f][or]ty [f][our],

[b]ec[au]se it w[a]s either

[th]at or [th]e vegeta[b]le

[b]irya[n][i], [b][u]t

[a]t [a]n [I][r][a][n][i]an [s]pot,

which [s]t[r][u]ck

me as a [b]it

i[n][a]ne at the t[i]me.

99:119

Un[d]er [r]egu[l]ar [c]ir[c]um[s]tan[c]es,

of [c]ourse,

I'd [v][i]go[r]ou[s][l]y [c]on[s][i][d]er

a [v]egeta[b]le [b]iryan[i],

it'd p[r]o[b]a[b][l][y] [b][e] a [b]ullseye

on a [m]enu for [m]e,

[b]ut [s][i]tt[i]ng [a]t [S]ad[a]f

with [K][a]t [a]nd her

faux [a]unt,

I [c]urious[l]y [l][a][c]ked

an[y] [ur]ge

to [e]ven utt[er] the

[t][wo] w[or]ds

[t][o] the g[ir]ls

as a [d][i]sh

I'd con[s][i]der,

in[s]t[ea]d I just [s][ai]d

"[I] think [I] need

to h[a]ve th[a]t [l][a]mb sh[a]n[k],"

[e]x[p][e][c]ting a de[l][i]c[i]ous

[a]nd [e]x[p][a]n[s][i]ve

hun[k] of [l][a]mb

[a]fter [t][a][k]ing note of

the [t][a]ble [t]o the [r]ight

[p][a]s[s][i]ng [a][r]ound

[a] v[o]luminous ch[o][p].

107:132 .811

If the lamb ch[o]ps,

I th[ou]ght,

which gene[r]ally

in [A]me[r]ica

[a]re over[p][r]iced and

[p][a]lt[r][y],

[a]re h[ea]rt[y],

[th]en [th]e [sh][a]nk

[sh]ould be [m][a][ss][i]ve,

[an]d [i]f [I]'m [ea]ting [m][ea]t

[I] [m]ight as well [m]a[k]e

it fu[ck]ing [c]ount.

36:47 .766

Yet [w]hen the [w][ai]ter

[p][l][a]ced a

[l]arge [p][l][a]te of [p][l][ai]n

wh[i]te [r][i][c]e in f[r]ont of

[m]y [p]er[s]on

[m][i][n][u]tes [l][a]ter

I [w]as o[m][i][n][ou]s[l]y [p]er[p][l]exed,

and [w]hen he dro[pp]ed a

[s][i]de-[p][l][a]te-[s][i]zed

chun[k] of [s]o-[c]alled [l][a]mb sh[a]n[k]

be[s][i]de the [r][i][c]e

I knew I'd [m][a]de a

g[r][a]ve [m][i][s]t[a][k]e,

[th][a]t [th][i][s] sh[a]n[k],

this [f]irst [f]o[r][a]y

[I]'d [m][a]de into

[I][r][a]nian lamb,

that it'd [p][a]le

in [c]om[p]a[r]ison

to g[r][ea]t l[a]mbs of my [p][a]st,

be[c][au]se of the

[p]ortion, but al[s]o the

[s]eason[i]ng, [w]hich

[w]as lack[i]ng

to the [e]xt[e]nt of

non-[e]xi[s]t[e]nce, that

I'd h[a]ve to [a]t [s]ome

[p]oint t[e]xt m[e]ssage

[F]arhad to [c]on[f]irm

I [f]inally [a]te [P]ersian l[a]mb

[a]nd it was

[p]re[c][i][p][i]t[ou][s]ly [d][i][s]a[pp]ointing,

no [d]oubt I'd [b][l][a]me

the [l]ack[l]uster t[a]ste

on "[b][e]ing in [L][o]n[d][o]n,"

while shrewd[l][y]

[r]ef[r][ai]ning to [m][e]ntion

that [e]ve[r]y other [m][ea]l

w[e]'d [ea]ten [i]n the c[i]ty

[u]p to that [d]ay

w[a]s f[u]ck[i]ng [d]el[i]c[i]ous.

168:200 .840

Th[i]s [P]ers[i]an [l]amb,

in [m][y] [m][i]nd,

was [o]n[l]y [c]om[p]arable

to the [s][o]-[c]alled

[l][a]mb sh[a]nk

I'd got at a [p][l][a]ce

I'll [r]e[f][r][ai]n [f][r]om n[a]ming

on West [F]ountain [S]t[r]eet

that t[a][s]ted like a

p[air] of [Air] Jordans,

[w]h[e]n our [w][ai]ter

[w][e]nt on

[r]egarding his [l][o]ve [o]f

[s][o]-[c]alled G[r]eek

[c]ulture, [o]n[l]y to

[s]erve a

sh[a]nk th[a]t was

[b][a][s]i[c]ally a di[s]gr[a][c]e,

[b]ut to [b]e [f]air

the l[a]mb was

n[o] [d]ir[e]ct [f]ault

of the [s][er]v[er], just

a [s][a]d c[o]in[c]i[d][e]n[c]e.

80:101 .792

The [r]ea[l]ity is

wh[i]le the [I][r]anian

[l][a]mb in [L][o]nd[o]n

m[a]y h[a]ve been

[s][o]mewh[a]t [s][u]b[p]ar,

I've y[e]t

to [p]eruse a [s][o]-[c]alled

[l][e]ft-[l]eaning out[l][e]t

in [L][o]nd[o]n

[l]i[k]e our [P]o[l][i]t[i][c][o] [S]tate-[s]ide

[t]al[k]ing [o]f [w]h[a]t

it [w]ould [t]a[k]e [t]o

[q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te

"[p]ut to bed"

a [c]ase [l]i[k]e E[p][s]tein's,

which [s]tru[c]k me as

a [p]erfe[c]t[l]y [c]a[ll][ou]s

[b][i]t of [v]er[b]al [v]omit,

to [d]is[r]egard

the [d][o]zens

[o]f [u]n[d]erage v[i]ct[i]ms

r[ou]tinely a[b][u]sed

[b]y th[i][s] m[y][s]terious

[b]illio[n]aire and

his [c]a[b]al of

w[e]ll-[c]o[nn][e][c]t[e]d

f[r][ie]nds, who

inc[l]ude at [l]east

t[wo] [U].S. P[r][e]sid[e]nts.

109:128 .852

When [p]ro[s]e[c]uting, [s]ay,

a m[a]fia [d][o]n

[c]ir[c]umst[a]ntial [e]vi[d][e]nce

[a][c]ts [a]s im[p][er][t][ur][b]a[b]le

[t]r[u]th in our [c]ountry,

as w[i]tn[e]ss[e]s

wh[o] by their [p][er][s]o[n]al adm[i]ss[i]on

are c[r][i][m][i][n][a]l [p]ie[c]es of sh[i]t

[s]ign [s]worn [s]t[a]te[m][e]nts

that m[a]ke the [r]eality

of the [s]itu[a]t[i]on

[c]r[y][s]t[a]l [c]lear

to [a]ll inv[o]lved

and formal t[r]ials

with [p]o[ss][i]ble

[p][r][i]s[o]n [s][e]nt[e]n[c]es

[p][r]o[c]eed,

yet a w[h]ole [h]a[r][e]m of

[w]o[m][e]n clai[m]ing

the [w]orld's [m]ost

[p]ro[m]inent w[h]ore-[m]onger

E[p][s]tein and his [M]o[ss]ad

[d][e][s]c[e]n[d][e]d "[g]irlfr[ie]nd"

[G]his[l]aine

were r[ou]tine[l]y ab[u]sing

[l][i]te[r]al ch[i]ld[r][e]n,

these w[o][m][e]n

are in[s]tead [s][m]eared

by [a][ll][e]g[e]d[l]y "[m]ode[r]ate"

[A][m][e][r]ican out[l]ets

as [e]ss[e]ntia[ll]y

b[i]gger pie[c]es of

[sh][i]t [th]an [th]e l[o]an[sh]ark

in[f]ormants who [s]ign a[f]fidavits

to [p]ut ca[p][o]s [i]n [p]r[i]s[o]n.

153:183 .836

The [n]otion that

[c]a[r]eer [c][r][i]m[i][n][a]ls

who're [b]e[q]ueathed

the tangi[b]le [b][e][n][e]f[i]t

of [s]u[s][p][e]nd[e]d [p][r][i]s[o]n

[s][e]nt[e]n[c][e]s

for [S]t[a]te co-o[p]e[r][a]tion

are [s][o]mehow

[m]ore tr[u][s]t[w]orthy

[w][i]tn[e][ss][e]s

than [w]o[m][e]n

who've [b]een a[b]used

[a]s ch[i]ldr[e]n [b]y

in[t]ern[a]tional [s][e]xual [t][e][rr]o[r][i]sts,

[p]eo[p]le w[i]th [l][i]te[r]a[ll]y

n[o]thing to gain

[b][u]t the [c]ont[e]m[p]t of

[p][u][b]lic Am[e][r]i[c]an outlets

who're g[r]o[t][e][s][q]ue[l]y

[d][e][r]e[l][i]ct [i]n their [d][u]ty

as [n][ew]s orga[n]izations—

[i]t'[s] n[i][h][i][l][i][s]t[i]c to

the [h][i]ghest deg[r]ee,

a [f][r]esh [l]ow

[f]or a [s]t[a]te

that [u]sed to [s][ay]

black [p]eo[p]le

were [s]ixty [p]er[c]ent

h[u]man

128:140 .914

III

Diagrams

In l[a]te [T]wo Thousand

[Ei]gh[t][ee]n

I was [s]mo[k]ing an

i[c]e hoo[k][a]h at [P][a]sh[a]

wear[ing]

oil [p][ai]nt

[s]t[ai]ned [b]l[a][ck]

[b][a][s][k]et[b]all shorts

with d[r][e]ss [s]ocks

and c[r][e]me [b][r]ulee [S][p]e[rr]y's

and [f]elt [s]ur[p][r][i]singly

[f][i]ne a[b]out it,

which [s]t[r][i][k]es me

l[i][k]e an a[cc][e][p]ta[b]le

[e]nough int[r][o]

to this m[o]de.

58:63 .921

In a s[e]nse, I f[e]lt

in the [m][o][m]ent th[a]t

all th[a]t re[m][ai]ned was op[i]n[i]on,

[th]is [n][o]tion [th]at [th]e [i]nter[n]et

[i]t[s]el[f] was b[a]si[c]a[ll]y

our [l][a][s]t [s]t[a]n[d]ing [f]orest,

a n[a]tural ar[c]hi[t][e][c]ture [e]n[t]ire[l]y

[d][e][d]i[c]ated to the mor[a][s]s

of [p]eo[p]le's [l]ittle [p]er[s][p]e[c]tives

on [th]ings, [th]e in[f]ormal

[p]er[s]onal e[ss][ay]

[b][a][s]i[c]ally as the [f][u]l[c]r[u]m

[o]f the [i]nternet [i]t[s]elf,

[b]ut the e[ss][ay] as [p][ar]t and [p][ar]cel

of [a] l[ar]ge [a][m]alg[a][m]ation

[o]f [o]ne ex[p][a]ns[i]ve

Non[s][e]n[s]ical O[p][i]n[i]on,

[a]nd th[i]s

[i]s [e][ss][e]ntially

our [f]inal [r]em[ai][n]ing

[f]o[r][ay] into [n][a]ture

and [s]pon[t]a[n]eous ar[ch]i[t]e[c]ture,

whereas [R]o[b]ert [F][r]ost

w[r]ote a[b]out [f]u[ck]ing t[r]ees

[a]nd [s][t]icks [a]nd [s][t][o]nes

[a]nd shit, [b]ut

now?—that's all [o]ver.

135:171 .789

Even [m][o][d]ern [a]rt,

I [th][ou]ght,

[th][e]se ho[rr]en[d][ou]s [M]at[i]sse

[r][e][p]r[i]nts you [n]ow [s][ee] [i]n [M]ille[nn]ial

[d][o][c]tors' [o][ff][i][c]es, what [d][i]d they ev[i]n[c]e

but a [p]arti[c]ular [d]egra[d]ation

of [f]orm, which th[e]n

[e]x[p][r][e]ssed it[s]el[f] in unm[ea]sured

[a]nd [a]n[e]cd[o]tal [p][o]et[r]y, which

[s]ub[s][e]qu[e]ntly [s]erved as a

ros[e]tta [s][t]one of the

in[t][er][n]et's p[er][s]o[n]al e[ss]ay,

which [a][m]alg[a][m][a]ted into the

[a][m]orphous

Non[s]en[s]i[c]al O[p][i]n[i]on—

was it [p]o[ss]ibly the [c][a][s]e

the demol[i]t[i]on

of [a]ll [a]rt b[a][s]i[c]a[ll]y

took [p][l][a][c]e

in a [f][r][ee] verse [p]oem

[a]bout [p][eo][p]le's c[a][p]r[i]c[i]ous [f][ee]l[i]ngs,

[th]at [th]is [f]al[s]i[f][i]ed [s]ubject[i][v][i]ty

th[a]t h[a]d [b]een [v][i]o[l]ent[l]y [p][r][o]moted

[b][y] [C][I][A] [f]un[d]ed M[F][A] [p][r][o]g[r]ams

as [s]o-[c]alled art [f]or [d]e[c]ades

was now [f][i]na[ll]y rea[l][i]zed

as a [c]o[ll]e[c][t][i]v[i]st [p]roj[e]ct

that was i[p]s[o] fact[o] the in[t]ern[e]t,

[a]s [a]n [A][m][a]lg[a][m][a]ted [N]on[s]en[s]ical

O[p][i]n[i]on, wh[i]ch [i]s [n]ow our

l[a]st re[m][ai]ning [N][a]tional [P]ark?

193:225 .858

Art is [f][u]nctio[n]ally [n][o]thing

[i]f [n]ot j[u]st [a][n]other

[c]onsu[m]er [p]r[o]duct

in a [c]a[p]italist [m]ach[i]ne

th[a]t [a]t [b][o]ttom

[p][r]io[r]it[i]zes [p]orta[b]le [b]utt w[i]pes—

yes, the [m][e]d[i]an

A[m]eri[c]an [c][i]t[i]z[e]n

is [p][r]i[m]a[r]i[l]y [c]oncerned

[w]ith [w]i[p]ing their ba[ll]oon knots

with [o]n[l]y t[o]i[l]et [p][a][p]er

[w]hen a[w][ay] from h[o]me.

60:78 .769

[T]ake an [ar]tist

[l]ike [T]ao [L]in,

[ar]e we [t][o] [t]r[u][l][y] be[l][ie]ve

his novels,

which are [p]erf[e]ct[l][y]

[i]nd[i][c]at[i]ve of

a[cc][e][p]ta[b]le [c]ont[e]m[p]o[r]a[r][y]

[l]ite[r]a[r]y art,

was it [e]ver [t]ru[l]y [t][e][n]a[b]le [t]o

[c]on[s][i]der [T]ao's

[s][p][e][c][i]f[i]c [n]ovels

as [e]x[p][l][i][c][i]t[l]y

a[p]o[l][i]t[i][c]al

(as they [o]ften [a]re

[c]atego[r]ized),

[r]egard[l]ess

of [L]in's

more [r][e][c]ent

tw[ee]ts about

[v]a[cc][i]nes,

was his art it[s]elf

e[v]er [r][ea][l]l[y] di[v]orced f[r]om

[p]o[l][i]t[i]cal o[p][i]n[i]on?

95:113 .841

Well, of [c]ourse

[n][o]t, [n][o]t e[v]en [c]lose!—

be[c]ause

[T]ao's [n][o][v]els are

[a]b[s]o[l]ute[l]y a[p]ex

[a][ss]ets to the

[p][r]ivate equ[i]t[y] [i]ndust[r][y]—

[w]hen Tai[p][ei]

[w]as [r]e[l][ea][s]ed

[K] [s]t[r][ee]t [l]obbyists  

were [a]b[s]o[l]ute[l]y ec[s]t[a]t[i]c

that [s]o-called alt [l][i]t

had [n]ow fi[n]a[ll][y]

[r][ea]ched the main[s]t[r][ea]m,

[th][a]t [th]is b[r][a]nd of

[r]uth[l]e[ss][l][y] t[r][a]cking

your [s][u]bjective

f[l][ee]ting thoughts

b[u]t while

ta[k]ing [i]ll[i][c][i]t [p][r]e[s]c[r][i][p]t[i]on

d[r][u]gs, [w]hich [w][a]s

of [c]ourse [n]othing

[m]ore [th][a]n [th]e i[m][a]gi[n]ative

art of [m]e[m]ory [i]t[s]elf, as

it'd [b]e [i]m[p]o[ss]i[b]le to rec[a]ll

[p]ure th[ou]ghts

in th[a]t [m][a]nner,

[w]hen you [w]ere thr[ee] sh[ee]ts

to the [w]ind,

[th]at [th]e [n]otion

o[s]ten[s]ib[l][y]

[l]ite[r]a[r][y] mi[ll]e[nn]ials

had [c]omp[l][e]te[l][y] es[c]hewed

a[n]y a[n][a]l[y][s][i]s of the [s][y][s]tem

that [f]ed them [i]n[f][i][n][i]te x[a][n][a]x,

in f[a][v]or of [L]arry D[a][v][i]d

adj[a]c[e]nt

[m]i[n]utia [c]al[c]u[l][u]s

was n[o]thing b[u]t a

[f][u][ck]ing [m]o[n]u[m]ental

[v]i[c]to[r]y for the [f]i[n]ancial

engi[n]eers and de[r][i][v]at[i]ve

sales[p]eo[p]le

of this [c]ount[r]y!

194:229 .847

[I]t's [p]o[ss][i]ble it

[w]as in f[a]ct

[w]hen I [s][a]t [a]t [P][a][sh][a]

[s]mo[k]ing an ice [sh]i[sh][a]

in [p][ai]nt [s]t[ai]ned

[b]l[a][c]k [b][a]s[k]et[b]all [sh]orts

and [S][p]erry's th[a]t

I con[s]idered

Tao [L]in

[p]enned a [l]ong [f]orm

[p]ie[c]e of [s]o-[c]alled

auto[f][i]ct[i]on

where he [q]u[e]st[i]oned

the fr[e][q]u[e]nc[y]

his o[s]t[e]n[s]ible [e]x-[w]ife's

[sh]o[w]ering [s][e][ss][i]ons,

[e][ss][e]n[t][i]a[ll][y],

[l][ea]ving the [q]u[e][st]ion

of [h]er [h][y]giene

in a d[i]a[b]o[l]i[c]al [p]u[b][l]i[c]

[l]ite[r]a[r][y] [p]urgato[r][y],

and th[a]t, [f]ar [f][r]om

being an a[p]o[l][i]t[i][c]al [a][c]t,

[a][c]tua[ll]y

a[ll]owed the [p][r]ivate [e][q]uit[y]

in[d]u[s]t[r][y] to [f]un[d]a[m][e]nta[ll][y]

[s]eize [c]ontrol of the [m]ar[k]et

for [s]ingle [f]amily homes,

to the [e]xt[e]nt

[e]ve[r][y] [m][a]jor [c][i]t[y] [i]n th[i]s

[c]ount[r][y] [i]s [n]ow [d]o[m]i[n][a]ted

by [q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te

"[d]evelo[p]ers" wh[o] s[c][oo][p] u[p]

a[ff]or[d]a[b]le h[ou]sing

with [ou]t[r]ageous [c][a]sh [b]ids

[f][r]om mi[dd]le [c]l[a]ss

[s]u[c]kers who are then

[f]or[c]ed to [r]e-enter

[a] [b][u][bb][l][y] mar[k]et to

ho[p]e[l]ess[l][y] [b][i]d

on [s]aid [p][r]o[p]erty "f[l][i][p]s"

or [e]ven worse

"[l][ea][s]e [n][ew] [r]ental [u][n]its."

210:232 .905

IV

Diagrams

—01 (162:196 .827)

[F]eeling

a [d]ay [a]fter [d]r[a]g

[f]rom a m[i]xt[ur]e

of l[i]q[uor]

wh[i]ch I [d]on't en[d]ure

n[ea]rl[y] [a]s often [a]s

[w]hen M[a]x [B] [w]as [b][a]ck

[s]till [s]erving

[a]n o[s]t[e]n[s]i[b]le

l[i]fe [s][e]nt[e]n[c]e,

[I] [c]an [r][e][m][e]m[b]er

[l]au[gh]ing hy[s]t[e][r]i[c]a[ll]y

when [C]ar[m]ine's d[a]d

in[f]ormed us he [s]oiled his p[a]nts

on [C]hr[i]st[m][a]s Eve

at h[i]s [m]om's

[m]id [c][o]nver[s]ation

w[i]th h[i]s [b]iol[o]gi[c]al [b]rother

ex[c]using h[i]mself on

a wh[i]m [b]e[c]ause

he'd [q]u[o]te-[u]n[q]u[o]te

j[u]st sh[i]t h[i]s p[a]nts,

[a]mb[l]ing to the [l][a]va[t]o[r]y

to d[i]s[c]ard h[i]s

[r][a][c]ing [t][r][a][c]k

l[a]den b[o]xer shorts

[t][o]ssing them in[t]o a

[t]r[a]sh [c][a]n

then [c]on[t][i]nu[i]ng h[i]s

night, l[a]ter

t[a][k]ing a [c]all from me,

just [t]o [t][e]ll him

I'd [l][e]ft [m]y [m]om's

a [t][a]d [l][a]te,

th[a]t I'd f[ai]l to [m][a]ke

[h]is [m]om's [h]ouse,

[h]e repl[y][i]ng

it [w]as [w][i]n[d][i]ng [d]own

an[y][w]ay, appa[r][e]nt[l][y]

no [l]onger [w][ear]ing

a[n][y] un[d]er[w][ear]

[w]hatso[e]ver?

—02 (31:38 .816)

[C]ar[m][i]ne's [d][a]d's

[a]d[m][i]ss[i]on of gu[i]lt

[I] [c]ons[i][d]ered

was [a][c]tua[ll][y] [a]n [a]pt

[a][ll]e[g]or[y]

for our [g]overnment's

[a][c]tions

over the p[a][s]t h[a]lf

[c]entury.

—03 (109:145 .752)

In [f][a]ct,

the [m][a]n

[m]ight h[a]ve

[m]ore ho[n]esty

[i]n h[i]s [p][i]nky [f]inger[n]ail

[th]an [th]e en[t]ire

De[p]artment [o]f J[u][s]tice

[t]ra[c]ing b[a]ck to [a]t [l][ea][s]t

to the [S][i]xt[ie]s,

w[i]th [L][y]nd[o]n [B]'s

mo[c]k [i]nve[s]tig[a]tion

[i]nto [J]F[K]'s [c]r[a]n[i]um

[b][e]ing [b][l]own [i]nto [b][i]ts

[i]n the m[i][dd]le of [D]a[ll]as,

[b]e[c]ause

the United St[a]tes

has for [d]e[c][a]des

been [t]ossing [i]ts

sh[i]tty underp[a]nts [i]n[t]o

the [c]olle[c]tive

metapho[r]i[c]al [t][r][a]sh b[a]s[k]ets

of the [t][a]xpayer,

but it [c][a]n't [s]eem to

ever [a]dm[i]t to sh[i]tt[i]ng [i]t[s]elf,

[i]n[s]tead [c]on[t]orting

h[i][s]to[r]y [i]n[t]o

ab[s]urd [p][r]o[p]ortions

to deny [w]hat's ob[v][i]ous

to e[v]er[y][o]ne.

—04 (74:86 .860)

For my [p][ar]t,

on a [M]onday

[e]ve[n][i]ng on [M]i[n]eral

S[p]r[i]ng I [p]re[p]ared a [l]ittle [f][ar]t

a[f]ter [p][eei]ng,

on[l]y to [s][p]ew

[f]e[c]al [f][l]uid [l]i[k]e

a [l]awn [s][p][r]in[k][l]er,

wh[i]ch [i]sn't [r][ea][ll][y] th[a]t

d[i]ff[i][c][u]lt to [a]d[m]it,

to [e]ngage [i]n a

[m]ere [m][o][d]i[c][u]m

[o]f h[o]nesty

[r]egar[d]ing [p][a]st [a]ctions

(I [t]oo [t]o[ss]ed

my [d][r]awers in[t]o a

[t][r][a]sh [r]e[c]e[p]tacle

[a]fterwards!)

—05 (110:141 .780)

But the [S]t[a]te

[D]epart[m]ent

and [C]I[A],

[d]e[s][p]ite any

re[m]otely [e]duc[a]ted

[m][e]mber of the

[p]o[p]u[l]ace [ea]si[l][y]

i[d]enti[f]ying

[p][l]us en[d]uring the [w]h[i][ff]s

of their bullsh[i]t un[d]er[w]ear

o[cc]u[p]ying our [b][a]th[r]oom

t[r][a]sh [b][a]s[k]ets

for [d]e[c]ades,

[s]eems to h[a]ve [s]ome

p[s]y[c]ho[l]og[i][c]al [i]nab[i][l][i]ty

w[i]th the [s][i]m[p]le

ad[m][i]tt[a]nce of [i]ts

[o]wn g[r][o]t[e][s][q]ue

[m]ove[m][e]nts,

in[s]t[ea]d [p]aying [o]ff

[p][r][o][m]inent [m]edia out[l][e]ts

and [s]o-[c]alled

[p][u]b[l][i]c [i]nt[e][ll][e][c]tuals

to m[u]ddy the waters

of their own [s]oiled [u]ndies,

en[a]cting in[s]t[e]ad

a [p]er[p][e]tual [m]otion [m]achine

of sh[i]tt[i]ng [i]ts [p][a]nts!

—CUT

—X (63:74 .851)

Max B is

surprisingly free

which didn't make me

reflect on my own mortality

as much as it

could have,

I considered drunkenly—

as I acquiesced to an

objectively grotesque

shot of orange Alize,

then asking my wife

to drive me back

from Carmine's

second birthday

get-together.

—X (58:71 .817)

Of course

hindsight being

perfected

by nature,

Carmine's Aunt Rachel

would have made

a way better

real estate agent

than the tawdry

Caucasian

I, by contrast,

contracted

for the rigamarole

of the flat

I bought, but that

was now water

under a bridge

of orange Alize!

—X (63:74 .851)

Max [B] is

[s]urp[r]isingl[y] [f][r][ee]

wh[i]ch [d][i][d]n't [m]ake [m][e]

re[f][l]ect on [m]y own [m]orta[l]it[y]

[a]s much [a]s it

[c]ould h[a]ve

I [c]on[s]i[d]ered [d]run[k]en[l][y]

[a]s I [a][c]qu[i]e[s]ced to an

obj[e][c]tively g[r]ot[e][s][q]ue

sh[o]t [o]f o[r]ange [A]lize

then [a]s[k]ing m[y] w[i]fe

to dr[i]ve me [b][a][c]k

from [C]arm[i]ne's

s[e][c]ond [b]irthday

[g][e]t-to[g][e]ther.

—X (58:71 .817)

Of [c]ourse

h[i]nds[i]ght [b]eing

perf[e][c]t[e]d

[b]y n[a]t[u]re,

[C]ar[m]ine's Aunt [R][a]ch[e]l

[w]ould have m[a]de

a [w][ay] better

[r]eal est[a]te [a]g[e]nt

[th]an [th]e tawd[r]y

[C]au[c][a]s[ia]n

[I], b[y] [c]ont[r][a]st,

[c]ont[r][a][c]ted

[f]or the [r]ig[a]m[a][r]ole

of the [f]l[a]t

I [b]ought, [b][u]t th[a]t

[w][a]s now [w]ater

[u]nder a [b][r]idge

[o]f o[r]ange Alize!

V

Diagrams

—01 (96:106 .906)

When So[c]rates

in[q]u[i]red [D]oes [D]irt

h[a]ve [a]n [I][d]ea,

[a]dm[i]tt[i]ng

he'd r[a]n [f][a]st

[f][r]om the poss[i][b][i][l][i]ty,

[f]ea[r][i]ng h[i]s [f]all[i]ng

[i]nto that

well e[n]ou[gh] k[n]own

[b][o]ttoml[e][s]s

[p]it of [n][o]n[s][e]n[s]e,

[P]arme[n][i]d[e]s

[w][i]se[l]y [r]e[p][l][i]ed there

[w]ould [a][rr][i]ve [a] t[i]me

[w]hen [ph]i[l]oso[ph]y

[w]ould [g][r][a]b a f[ir]m[er]

[g][r][a][s][p] on the young m[a]n,

wh[e]n he'd "no longer

d[e][s][p]ise [e]v[e]n the [m][ea]n[e]st

of things" b[e][i]ng as is

[t]oo [m]uch in[c]lined

[t]o [c]ons[i]der the o[p][i]n[i]ons

of [m]en.

—02 (118:151 .781)

It's the f[au]lt of

the s[c]h[o][l]ars [o]ve[r]all,

with the ex[c][l][u]sion

of [p]erha[p]s [P][r][o][c][l]us

and B[r][u]n[o],

to [g][l]oss [o]ver

this [r]e[p]ly,

where the [g][r][a]ndfather of

the [m]on[a]d [e][ss][e]ntia[ll]y

[a]d[m][i]t[s] to the [m]ateria[l][i][s]t

b[a][s][i]s

of e[m]a[n][a]t[i]on, that

[u]lti[m]ate[l]y for [o]ne[n]ess

to ret[ai]n a[n]y [l]ogic

whatsoe[v]er

the di[v]ine

[p]r[i]n[c][i][p]les [n]eed to

ex[i][s]t [i]n the [s][a]me [p]l[a]ne

as the [s]en[s]ory [n]ons[e]nse,

that o[p][i]n[i]on [m]ust [r]e[m]ain

in a [s][e]nse [c]on[c]u[rr][e]nt

with the [p]ure,

that your[s]el[f], [f]or [i]n[s]t[a]nce,

with [a]ll your [f][au]lts

are the [i]n[f][i]n[i]te [s]ole

mirror [i]n [w]h[i]ch

The [O]ne [w][i]tn[e][ss][e]s

Their Names,

to [r][e]fe[r]ence the B[e]zels

of [W][i]sd[o]m.

—03 (60:66 .909)

Ta[k]e for [i]n[s]t[a]nce

[s][o]me[o]ne [l]i[k]e

[S][c]ott [B]e[ss]ent

who's [b]a[s]i[c]a[ll][y]

a [p][ie][c]e of Dirt,

or Matt [W]alsh, who'd

[p]ro[b]a[b][l][y] t[w][ee]t

h[e]'d [l][e]t

[L][e]s W[e]xner

mo[l][e]st his own kids

[i]f [i]t'd g[ai]n

him a [l][i]ttle a[dd][i]t[i]o[n][a]l

[c][l]out for a [d][ay]'s

[n]ews cy[c]le, [d]o

they in[d][e]ed ema[n][a]te

from I[d][e]as?

—04 (89:113 .788)

The real[i]ty

[i]s the [S]pi[n]oz[a] [s][u]b[s]t[r][a]te,

ev[e]n [i]f ema[n][a]ted,

[m]ust b[e] [m]ate[r][i]al,

[s][o] [e]ven [b][o]z[o]s

like [B]e[ss]ent

[a]nd [M][a]tt h[a]ve

[s]ome [e]l[e][m][e]nt

of [I]deas beh[i]nd them,

ev[e]n [i]f I,

[a]s [a]n im[p]en[d]ing

[d]ad, [d]i[s]agr[ee]

[w]ith [W][a]lsh

[a]bout [a][c]tuall[y] [o][pp]osing

the [s]y[s]tem[a]ti[c] [r]a[p]ing of

ch[i]l[d][r][e]n,

that [d]oesn't mean

I, i[p]s[o] fact[o],

o[pp][o]se his [e]ss[e]nce

as [p]art [o]f [a]

mate[r]ial[i][s]t[i][c] [s]ub[s]t[r]ate

that en[c]om[p]a[ss]es

all Being.

—05 (120:142 .845)

I[n] a[n]y [c][a]se,

on a [r]e[l][a]ted [n]ote,

I've [p][r][e]v[i]ous[l][y]

[c]on[s]idered my[s]elf

a [s]u[pp]orting [p][a]tron

[o]f [a]rt [m]us[e]ums,

[e]ven a[tt]ending the [T][a]te

and N[a]t[i]onal G[a][ll][e]r[y]

in [L][o]nd[o]n j[u]st

r[e][c]ent[l][y], b[u]t

there's an[o]ther par[c]el

w[i]th[i]n m[e] that's

[b]egun to [b]el[ie]ve

we [m]ight [n][ee]d to [b]urn

[a]ll [o]f the [a]rt [m]us[e]ums

d[ow]n to the [g][r][ou]nd,

[th]at [a]ll [th]e [g][r][ea]t

[a]rt p[a]t[r]ons [m]ust be

[e]xiled from [ae]sth[e]tics

in one [e]x[p]l[o]s[i]ve [m]ot[i]on,

a [s][i]ngle [s][w]ee[p]ing [s][w][i]ng,

[th]at [th]e [e]n[t][i]re

[e]n[t]er[p]r[i]se of

showc[a][s][i]ng

a [p]er[s]on's [p][ai]nt[i]ngs in

th[e]se [b]uffoonish galle[r][ie]s

is [r][e][p][r]eh[e]n[s]i[b]le?

—06 (127:151 .841)

I for one

never [r][ea]ll[y]

g[o]t [o]ff [w][i]th

the [r][i]ch and [w][ea]lth[y]

[a]rt [c]o[ll][e][c]tor

[c][l][a]ss

or even the [a][r]isto[c][r][a]tic

douche[b]ag se[c]tor,

[p]ro[b]a[b]ly in [p]art

[b]e[c][au]se

in my [y][ou]nger [y]ears

[I] was [p][r]one [t]o anar[ch]ic [t][r]ends

and l[i]a[b]le to

[b]e[c][o]me [r]uth[l]ess[l][y] in[e][b]r[i]ated

with any[o]ne [wh]o

[h]eld s[i]m[i]lar d[i][s][r]eg[a]rd

for [a]ny [a]nd [a]ll [i]n[s]t[i]tutions,

in a [w][ay]

I [w]as m[ay][b]e [b]orn [w]ith

[s]ome inhe[r][e]nt

[l]a[c]k of [r][e][s][p][e][c]t

for [p]eo[p]le [l][i]ke

[P]e[gg]y [G]uggenh[ei]m

and [G]ertrude [S]t[ei]n,

wh[i]ch [i]n [r]et[r]o[s][p][e]ct

[p]ro[b]a[b]ly h[a]sn't ex[a]ct[l][y]

a[ss][i][s]t[e]d [i]n the [l][i]te[r]a[r][y]

d[i][ss]em[i]nation of my work.

VI

Diagrams

—01 (118:144 .819)

It's been [a] [c][ou]ple [m][o]nths

s[i]nce I [q]u[i]t d[r][i]n[k][i]ng [M]ez[c]al

[o]n the [r][o][c]ks

a[f]ter [f]eeling [f]or a [f]ew years

th[a]t M[e]z[c][a]l was the b[e]st

l[i][q]uor to dr[i]nk,

to [s]ome [e]xt[e]nt

"b[e]tter" for your h[ea]lth than

V[o]d[k]a or [S][c][o]tch

and wh[i]le [I]'ve

for the [m][o]st [p]art

[a][pp][r][e]c[i]ated

as [a] wh[o]le

not [d][r][i]n[k][i]ng [M]ez[c]al

on [i]ce

[I] just [t]o[d][ay] [s]tarted

[t]o [c]on[t]em[p]l[a]te

[s]ome of the sh[i]t

I'd wr[i]tt[e]n at the [a][p]ex

of [m]y [M]ezcal

con[s]um[p]t[i]on

[s][i][pp][i]ng m[i]ni w[a]ter b[o]ttles

[a][l]ong the [s]t[r]eets

[a][r]ound my f[l][a]t

[p]o[pp][i]ng [i]n th[i]s bar or th[a]t

and jotting down

[s][y][ll][a][b]les [i]nto a [p]ur[p]le

note[p]ad [b]a[s]ica[ll]y [b][y]

m[y][s]elf.

—02 (155:176 .881)

You [c]an [s]tr[i][p] your[s][e]l[f]

of a [f][i][c]t[i]onal [s]ubj[e][c]t[i]ve

[p]er[s][p][e][c]t[i]ve but [I]'m

[n]ot ent[i]re[l]y [c]onvinced

th[a]t it'll [l][a]nd you a[n]y [c][l]oser

[t][o] a [t][r][ue] in[t][er][p][r]etation

of [r]eality, [w]h[i]ch [i]s [p][er]haps

[w]hy at the beg[i]nn[i]ng of

th[i]s year [I] [d]e[c][i][d]ed to

[s]tart a [s]eries of

[q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te M[o]des

th[a]t would [a][c]t [a]s [a]n

o[ff][i]c[i]al autobi[o]graph[y]

that was [a]l[s]o [o]bviousl[y]

[f][a]l[s]e, n[o]t in the [s]ense

of [sh][i]t auto[f][i][ct][i]on, [b]ut in[s]tead

in [b]eing [c]on[s]t[r][i][c]t[e]d [b]y

a met[r][i][c]al [s]t[r]u[c]ture—

for example, m[y] w[i]fe

w[a]s [a]b[u]tting [u]pset

[w]h[e]n [w]e [w][e]nt to

[F][r]ed on [B][r]oadw[ay] this

past [F][r]id[ay] [b]ecause

[a][ll][e]g[e]d[l][y] I was

[a][pp]a[r]ent[l][y] g[l][a]n[c]ing

[a]t [a]n[o]ther [a][ss][c][r][a][c]k

that [o][cc]u[p]ied [s]ome

[o]ther [s]eat in the [s][p]ot?

—03 (76:80 .95)

Now, [i]t'[s] [p]o[ss][i]ble a [c]ou[p]le

[p]o[s]t[e]r[i]ors [f]ran[k]ly

[c]ould have [f][i]t th[i]s

o[s]ten[s][i][b]le [b][i]ll,

[b]ut I al[s]o [d]i[d]n't [f]eel

[l][i]ke [I] was [s]taring [a]t

[a]ny [s]ingu[l]ar [a][s]s

[i]nd[i][s]cr[i]m[i]n[a]te[l][y] [ei]ther,

un[l]ess m[y] [w][i]fe

[w][a]s [o]bserv[in]g [m][e]

without [c][ea][s][in]g, [m][a]king

d[e]t[ai]led [n]ote

of [a]ny p[a][ss]ing gl[a]n[c]e

I [m][ay] h[a]ve [m][a]de at Fred?

—04 (103:114 .904)

Yet it's [o]bvio[u][s][l][y] [i]mp[o][ss][i]ble

to a[cc]urate[l][y] [c]onvey

this [s]o-[c]alled [s]ubj[e][c]tive

[e]xpe[r][i][e]nce via [m][e][m]o[r][y]

a[l][o]ne, n[e]ver [m]ind wh[e]n

[c]on[s]t[r][i][c]t[e]d to a [s]pe[c][i]f[i]c

[m]et[r][i][c]al [c][o]n[s]t[r]u[c]t—n[o]t

[o]n[l]y [d]o [I] [c]on[s]i[d]er the [i][d]ea

of me [s]ta[r]ing at [sh]it[sh]ooters at [F][r]ed

to [b]e [f][i][c]t[i]on[a]l, [b]ut I [a]l[s]o [c]on[s][i]der

my [a][tt]em[p]t [t]o re[l]ay

the [p]o[ss][i]b[i][l][i]t[y]

of m[e] gl[a]n[c]ing [a]t [a][ss]es [a]t

the [s][p]ot to b[e] [e]quall[y] untrue.

VII

Diagrams

—01 (133:152 .875)

I [s]u[pp]ose it's [p][r]o[b]a[b]ly [a]ccu[r]ate

to [s]ay th[a]t to [s]ome deg[r][ee]

I have a [b]it of a [b][ee][f]

with the [s]o-[c]alled [B][ea]ts

who were r[ea][ll][y],

[f]un[c]tiona[ll][y] [s]p[ea][k]ing

at [l][ea][s]t,

[f]aux [r][e]vo[l]utiona[r]ies,

[m]o[c]k [r][e][f][or][m]ers

of the highest [or]der,

or at [l][ea]st, in a[n]y [c]ase,

a [l]oose[l][y] k[n]it [c]o[ll]e[c]tion

of writers who [b][a][s]i[c]a[ll][y]

[b]e[c][a]me sh[a]me[l][e][ss][l][y]

[S]t[a]te adj[a][c][e]nt

in their [c]onf[e]ss[i]on[a]l

[a]m[e]tr[i][c][a]l t[e]xts that

[l]i[k]e [c][l]o[c]kwo[r]k n[e]ver add[r][e]ssed

[e][c]ono[m]i[c] [r]oot [c]auses,

in [m][y] [m][i]nd

at least, with the [e]x[c]eption

I'd [s]ay of [K]e[r]ou[a]c

who [a]t least [d][r][a]nk him[s][e]lf

to [d][ea]th [b]e[f]ore he [c]ould

[b]e[c][o]me [a]n [a]dj[u]nct pro[f][e][ss]or.

—02 (114:146 .781)

[B]ut at the [s]ame t[i]me

[I] was al[s]o [s][i]tt[i]ng at [L][a] [B]r[a]z[a]

having j[u]st im[b][i]bed a [c][ou]ple

Mi[c]he[l]obs, which to be fair

aren't exact[l][y] [r]evo[l]utio[n]a[r][y]

in [n][a]ture, and I'd [m]oved

[m]y [s][ea]t ba[c]k just [s][l]ight[l][y]

[w]hen I [w][i]t[n][e]ssed a [c]ou[p]le [w][ai]tre[ss]es

[p][l][a][c]e [a] [p][l][a]te of what

[a][pp]eared to b[e]

shared a[pp]s on the t[a][b]le

in [f]ront of m[e],

[b]e[c]ause I [d]i[d]n't want to

[f][i]nd m[y]self un[c]om[f]ortab[l]y [c][l]ose to

th[e]se emp[l]oy[ee]s and their

[d]e [f]a[c]t[o] br[ea][k] [t][a]ble, yet I als[o]

[c]oul[d]n't hel[p] but [t][a][k]e

note of a [c]ur[s]ive sh[a][p]ed

[m]or[s]el on the [p]l[a]te

I was al[m]ost [p][o]s[i]t[i]ve

was an [o][c][t]o[p]us [t]en[t]a[c]le.

—03 (68:83 .819)

S[o]n of a [c][u]nt,

I f[u][c]king l[o]ve o[c]topus,

I [c]on[s]idered

while [a]l[s]o [r]e[c][a]lling

[m]y [v][e]ge[t][a][r][i]an[i]sm,

[m]y [p][r][e][v][i]ous [p]e[s][c]a[t]a[r][i]a[n]ism,

[m]y o[cc]asional fl[e]xit[a][r][i]a[n]ism,

[m]y ge[n]e[r]al a[v]ersion to [c]on[s]uming

[c]or[p][s]es [c]omb[i]ned with m[y]

[o][cc][a]sional [c]r[a][v]ings for a l[a]mb sh[a]n[k]

but al[s]o [o][c]to[p]u[s].

—04 (101:115 .878)

O[c]to[p]us is [l]i[k]e [b]a[s]i[c]a[ll][y] the [b]e[s]t

[s][ea]food on the mar[k]et when it's [c]ooked

[c]o[rr]e[c]tly, I [c]on[s]i[d]ered, but I

was al[s]o, [I] [r]e[c]og[n][i]zed,

[s][i]tt[i]ng [i]n a [D]om[i][n][i][c][a]n

hoo[k]ah [b]ar, which [s]t[r]u[c]k me

as [s][l]ight[l][y] [c]u[r][i]ous, to

[s]t[u]m[b]le [u][p]on [a] [p]ie[c]e [o]f

o[c]to[p]us [c]oo[k]ed by Do[m][i]n[i][c][a]ns,

at a hoo[k]ah bar?—[w]h[i]le [I] [w]as

[a][c]tually [w]aiting for [C]or[m]ier

to a[rr]ive to, in f[a][c]t, s[m]o[k]e a

hoo[k]ah—[c]ould [D]o[m][i]n[i][c][a]ns

[r][ea][ll][y] [c]oo[k] [d]e[l][i]c[i]ous o[c]topus?

—05 (137:164 .835)

I was a [l]ittle [d]ubious, as I'd

[i]n[d]ulged [i]n [I]talian o[c]to[p]us

[p][r][e]v[i]ou[s]l[y] at Ma[r][i]a [C]uc[i]na

[a]nd [a][c]tua[ll][y] [d][ee]med it [p]rett[y] [s]ub[p]ar,

[r][ea][ll][y] on[l][y] the G[r][ee]ks

and [P]ortug[ue]se had the ab[i]l[i]t[y]

to [p]ro[p]er[l]y [c]oo[k] [p][l]us [s][ea]son

o[c]to[p]u[s], I gue[ss] I'd [r]ather [r]uth[l]e[ss][l]y

[a][ss]umed [th]at [a]ll [o][th]er n[a]tions

were [b][a][s]i[c]a[ll][y] o[c]to[p]us def[i]c[i]ent

[s][i]m[p][l][y] [b][a][s]ed, [p]erha[p]s,

on th[i]s [s][i]ngle [i]n[s]t[a]n[c]e

of [C]uc[i]na, where I'd [s][ee]n

a [l][o]ng [l][o]st [s]e[c]ond [c]ousin,

[w]here the [f]ood [w]as [s][p][o]tty

[o]ve[r]all, where [m][a][f]ia [c][a][p][o]s

[w]ere [c][e]leb[r]ated with [ph][o]t[o] [m]e[m]o[r]ials,

[w]here the octo[p]us was [e][ss][e]ntiall[y]

trash to m[e].

VIII

Diagrams

—01 (181:212 .854)

L[i][s]ten[i]ng to h[e]avy m[e]tal

but sc[r]ewed and ch[o]pped

I [r]e[f]l[e][c]ted [o]n

[t]a[k]ing my [f][r]i[e]nd [F]arhad

who [c]ame [t]o [t]own

[f]rom Chi[c][a]go

[f]or the [f]irst [t]ime [e][v][e]r

this [p]ast No[v][e]mb[e]r

to a [p]l[a]ce [c][a]lled The [A][v]er[y]

where the [b]art[e]nd[e]r

who all[e]ged she [r]e[m][e]m[b]ered m[e]

[f]o[ll]ow[i]ng a [f]ew [r]ounds of [d][r][i]nks

[d]e[s][p]ite the [f][a][c]t

I h[a]d no [r][e][c]o[ll][e]ction

of [m]eeting [h]er [e]ver

yet I r[e][s][p][e]cted [h]er

[d][e][p]th of knowledge

wh[e]n it [c]ame to [M][e]z[c]al

she g[a]ve [m]e a [p]arti[c]ular br[a]nd

she said [c]ont[ai]ned [a]ni[m]al [f][a]t

wh[i]ch [i]nt[r][i]gued [m][e] enou[gh]

to b[r]ea[k] [m]y v[e]gan [s]t[r][ea][k]

[f][i]gu[r][i]ng d[i][s]t[i]lled animal [f][a]t

[p]erh[a][p]s [d]i[d]n't [c][ou]nt

[a]nd [a][f]ter a [f]ew r[ou]nds

she [p][our]ed us [b]oth a shot of [M]al[or]t

which [F]arhad

[b]eing a [M]idw[e]st [r][e]si[d]ent

a[c][u]tely [r][e][f][u]sed to sh[oo]t [d]own

[I] [h]ow[e]ver [h]aving [h]eard [h][or]ror

[s]t[or][ie]s [d]e[c][i][d]ed to in[d]ulge

and [c]on[s][i][d][er]ed the l[i][q][uor] [e]n[d][ea]ring—

it wasn't b[a]d [a]t all!

—02 (109:118 .924)

[B]eing out[s]ide

[s]ans [s]mart[ph]one,

what a [f][ee]l[i]ng!

[e]v[e]n [i]f [i]t's [b]r[i]ck

[a]nd you h[a]ve a [b][a]d [c][a][s]e

of [s]c[i][a]ti[c]a your w[i]fe

m[a]y have p[a]ssed onto you

[a]nd the t[r][a]sh

[i]s f[i]lled w[i]th [r][a]ts

the [s][i]ze of [s]m[a]ll [d][o]n[k]eys

you [c]ould [s][a][d]dle

and r[i]de [d][ow]nt[ow]n

[l]ike [L]y[f]ts

[f]or [f][r][ee]

on [f][r][i]g[i]d [d]ays [l]ike th[e]se,

when you ca[rr][y]

th[r][ee] bags of shit you [n]o longer

[n][ee]d,

yet [I] [d][i]g[r]ess

([W][i][l]liam [W][i][l]liams

[d]enouncing [u]sur[y] was [u]n[e]x[p][e][c]t[e]d

b[u]t I [u]sua[ll][y] [k]ee[p] an o[p]en ear

[f]or [F]ed [p]o[l][e]m[i][c]s)

[b]ut [b]a[c]k to the [b]ar—

—03 (66:69 .957)

[O]ne h[u]n[d][r]ed four[t]een [b][u]cks

[s]t[r][u][c]k me [l]i[k]e a [l]ot [a]s a [t][a][b]

un[t]il [I] [c]on[s]i[d]ered the [a]mount

we [b]oth im[b][i]bed

of [a][ll][e]g[e]d[l]y [t][o][p] sh[e]lf [l]i[q]uor,

it was [p][o][ss]i[b]le,

I [s]u[pp]osed,

th[a]t [a]ni[m]al [f][a]t [M]ez[c]al

was [m]ar[k]ed u[p] [m]ore

[v]oc[i][f]er[ou]sly [th]an

[th]e t[y][p][i]cal [v]egan o[p]tions.

—04 (89:89 1.00)

In any [c][a][s]e

[s]ince T[r][ee] was p[r]o[b]a[b]l[y] a[b]out

[d]one [d]oing her m[a][k]eup

[w]e [w]an[d]ered b[a][c]k

to the [f][l][a]t to [s][c]oo[p] her [u][p]

[p]l[u]s [d]i[s][c][u]ss [d]inner o[p]tions,

of [c]ourse [f][i][ll][i]ng [u][p]

a [c][ou][p]le [c]o[ff]ee [c][u][p]s

of [J]a[p]an[e]se [w]hi[s][k][ey]

as [w][e] [c]on[s][i][d]ered

[a]ll [au][d]ibles, [j]ust like [o]ld times,

[a]lm[o]st twenty years [a]g[o]

or s[o]

[w]hen [w]e'd g[e]t [sh][i]t[f]aced

with M[e]xi[c]an [c]oo[k]s

a[f]ter [sh][i][f]t's [e]nd.

—05 (97:114 .851)

But [w]e [w]ere [a]ged [n]ow,

[m]ore [m]ature,

I [n]o [l]onger for[n]i[c][a]ted

be[s][i]de the [l]in[o][l][e]um [s][i]dings

of [i]mm[i]gr[a]nt [c]oo[k]s'

[c]o[l][o]n[i]al h[o]mes,

s[ur]e [p][er]h[a]ps [I] [l][i][k]ed

a [c]ou[p]le g[l][a]sses of M[e]zc[a]l

wh[e]n my f[r]i[e]nd was v[i]s[i]t[i]ng

the [c][i]ty [I] [c]u[rr]ent[l][y] o[cc]u[p][i]ed,

but th[a]t was [a][c]tua[ll][y]

[q]uite [g]rown up I [c]on[s]idered

as [w]e [w]al[k]ed to O[g]ie's

[w]hich [w]as the l[a][s]t [t][i]me

[I] [e]n[t]ered th[a]t [e][s]t[a][b][l]ishment

for [r]easons I p[r]o[b]a[b][l]y [d]on't

[n]eed to [d]ivulge [r]ight [n]ow.